You would think after 8 months with BabyA that I would've learned that one cannot pay close attention to Television Events and parent. Generally these days, I tend to catch bits and pieces of shows, but rarely an entire coherent narrative. So what in the hay-ell, you might ask, possessed me to think that I could watch the Oscars? While caring for sick baby, and making supper, and unpacking a new breadmaker, with the intention of making bread? That, my friends, is a most question.
Here's the thing - I love, love, love watching the Oscars. If I knew enough other people in this town who also loved the Oscars, I would host a party with those tiny little hors d'oeuvres and lots of alcohol and an Oscar pool. I would even host movie nights before the Oscars, just so we could all see the movies that have been nominated. I'm not sure why I love them so much, because I haven't usually seen all, or even most of the nominated movies. I usually end up just cheering for whatever I've seen. But I get a crazy kick of watching people dress up in ridiculously expensive and beautiful outfits and celebrate the wackiness that is Hollywood.
This year, I got to spend the evening with GeekDad who patiently sat through hours of boring entertainment stuff', and even gave me updates of what was happening while I unpacked groceries and made dinner.
"OK, now it's the best soundtrack. OK,. there's two songs from Slumdog, and one from Wall-E. OK, the one from Slumdog won."
All this while entertaining a slightly manic and sickly baby. The man is a gem, I tell you
I really didn't get to watch much of the Oscar broadcast at all - it was more like the they were soundtrack for my evening of doing other stuff. My overall impressions were lots of Hugh Jackman (which is NEVER a bad thing) and musicals (which is slightly more questionable). I think that the Oscar producers were/are trying to get back to an old-school dramatic feel, as opposed to the kind of cynical, self-reflexive comedy that they've gone with in recent years. Unfortunately, I didn't actually see enough of the broadcast to tell you whether or not it was successful. I came in about the time that Kunio Kato ended his acceptance speech for best animated short with "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto," and you know, I think that may have been the high point of the evening. By the time the big awards were on, BabyA had reached her limit, and we were off prepping her for bed.
Which brings me to what was the defining not for my weekend. BabyA's cold has reached that point where she is too stuffed up to breastfeed, and despite our best efforts at nasal hydration and homeopathic remedies, any attempts at feeding result in frustration on both our parts. I find it heart breaking, because I know she feels shitty, and I want nothing more than to comfort her, but everytime I try to cuddle her, she seems to become frustrated that I can't giver her what she wants. GeekDad actually rocked her to sleep for the first time tonight, which I'm ever so grateful for. I just wish it were under less stressful circumstances. All I can say is that I this had better not be a result of teething, because DAMN. This sick baby stuff is rough on all of us.
Showing posts with label GeekDad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GeekDad. Show all posts
20 February 2009
How We Got to Here
So BabyA has contracted her first cold, and in addition to the endlessly runny nose and general clinginess, the worst symptom seems to be an inability to sleep at night. She'll go down for anywhere from 20 min to an hour, but then she's up and crying and snuffling and generally feeling miserable. Which leaves me feeling cranky and tired. This is, however, much better than the nasty flu which my nephew and neices have picked up. My youngest neice is two, and has had to visit the emergency room for an rehydration IV since she can't keep anything at all her stomach. I'm hoping BabyA hasn't picked this up, as we've been visiting with Seester and Junebug a fair bit. Fingers crossed.
On to other posting material. I've seen this relationship meme in various incarnations on Facebook and a number of websites, but I'm lifting this one from All & Sundry (Check her out - she rocks!!). I think it's kind of interesting, but I think it will be more interesting to revisit it a few years and see if any of my answers have changed.
What are your middle names?
Mine is Leah, his is Charles (same as his grandpa’s middle name).
How long have you been together?
8 1/2 years since we started dating, and a year and a half since we were married.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met in May of 2000, and started dating in July.
Who asked whom out?
He asked me out, the cheeky kid (he was 18 when we started dating). I was kind of taken aback with how forward he was, but also flattered.
How old are each of you?
He is 27, and I’m 33. I know, I know, but seriously, he was the one chasing me!
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Right now we probably see my Seester and her family the most. My brother lives in Calgary, about 8 hours from us, so we don’t see them as much as I’d like. GeekDad is an only child, but he has a step-siblings, who we see fairly regularly, as they live in GP like us. And his step-sister and her family have just moved here from Atlanta, so I’m really looking forward to meeting them.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The period right after I had BabyA was pretty rough, what with me having a C-section, and GeekDad having mysterious chest pains, and neither of us having much in the way of sleep. Things have greatly improved since then, though.
Did you go to the same school?
The only school we’ve both attended is Grande Prairie Regional College. He did his business program there, and I did the first two years of my Bachelor’s degree there.
Are you from the same home town?
GeekDad was born and raised in Grande Prairie. I’ve lived all over Alberta, but insofar as I have a hometown, it would probably be GP. Both my parents live here, my grandparents lived here, and all of my family have lived here for a significant length of time.
Who is smarter?
I’ve got the academic credentials, but I don’t really think I’m any smarter than GeekDad. There isn’t anything I’ve studied that I can’t discuss and debate with him at home.
Who is the most sensitive?
Again, I’m not sure that one of us is more sensitive than the other. I definitely would say I’m the more tempermental one, and that this was magnified exponentially during my pregnancy. My hormones were all over the place, and I’d go from ecstatic to tearful to furious in literally about 3 seconds flat. We called them my MDK (Murder-Death-Kill) moments. It totally drove me crazy to be so out of control with my emotions, but GeekDad was incredibly patient and understanding. He’d just let me have my crying or yelling fit, wait for me to figure out I was acting nuts, and comfort me when I apologized through my tears. I really couldn’t have asked for a more understanding guy.
Where do you eat out most as a couple??
Eat out as a couple??!! BWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!! Seriously, we have an 8 month old baby. We went out for our first meal as a couple since we had BabyA for Valentines, and it was to the Keg. I think it could have been KFC and it would have been wonderful.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Vancouver, for our honeymoon. We’ve both been to New York since we’ve been together, but not as a couple. I went for work, and he went for school. We’d like to go together and visit Cindy and Junior and Sebastian, friends who live there.
Who has the craziest exes?
Neither of us, thank god.
Who has the worst temper?
Again, probably me, although in my defense I tend to get mad, yell, and the apologize for yelling and proceed to discussing whatever it is that is bothering me as a sane person.
Who does the cooking?
GeekDad can cook breakfast (bacon & eggs) and make decent sandwiches, but I’m the one who does the actually preparation of meals. The bonus here is that I love cooking. It’s a little bit of an escape for my brain, and there is nothing better than watching someone taste something you’ve cooked and see a look of delight spread across their face.
Who is the neat-freak?
That would definitely be GeekDad. He is the tidy one, the organizer, and I am of the whatever, leave-it-where-it-lies school. However, GeekDad’s neatness doesn’t necessarily translate into him cleaning up after me. Sigh.
Who is more stubborn?
I don’t really think either of us is that stubborn. We’re pretty good at discussing and compromising. However, I admit that once in a while I will get a bee in my bonnet about something, and be a general pain in the ass about it.
Who hogs the bed??
That would be BabyA. Before her, it was our cats. I guess we need to take ownership of our bed back.
Who wakes up earlier?
GeekDad, but mostly just because his work hours have started ealier than mine. On weekends, I’m usually up first. Not early, but first.
Where was your first date??
You know, neither of us can remember. When we got together, I were living 5 hours apart. The first weekend we got together we spent with our friends, and after that it wasn’t so much a date as spending whatever weekends we could together.
Who is more jealous?
I don’t think either of us is jealous. We certainly haven’t had any incidences where jealousy was an issue.
How long did it take to get serious?
Not very long at all. We started dating in July, and moved in together unofficially by December. This was due in large part to my moving back to GP when my father had a nervous breakdown. Not only did GeekDad stick around through that, but he was an incredible support to me and my family. After our relationship survived all of that crap, I knew we could make it really work.
Who eats more?
GeekDad probably eats more at meals, and I tend to be a snacker. Especially late at night. It’s a bad habit, and one that I am working on changing.
Who does the laundry?
Mostly me. I was going to say that this is because I don’t trust GeekDad to do my delicate stuff, but that isn’t really true. GeekDad tends to pull the “I don’t know what I’m doing. Isn’t it easier to just do it yourself?” card here, which is just malarky and he knows it. While I’m at home with BabyA, I’ve taken ownership of the household chores to a greater degree, but I think once I get back to work, we’re going to have to have a chat about this.
Who’s better with the computer?
I spend more time on the computer, and definitely more on the web. I have computer control issues, and watching other people computing drives me crazy. The itch to just do it myself is overwhelming. I think this comes from the same place as my impluse to finish other people’s sentances for them. I know it’s a bad habit, but I seem to have very little control over it. That said, GeekDad is definitely better with design and photoshop programs.
Who drives when you are together?
Normally that would be me – again with the control issues. GeekDad says I get too critical of what he’s doing, and it’s less stressful if I just drive. I am learning to change this, however, because with BabyA’s carseat, we have to move the passenger seat forward in our car, and GeekDad doesn’t fit (he’s 6’4”). And he’s probably the better driver anyway, just less assertive than I would like at times.
On to other posting material. I've seen this relationship meme in various incarnations on Facebook and a number of websites, but I'm lifting this one from All & Sundry (Check her out - she rocks!!). I think it's kind of interesting, but I think it will be more interesting to revisit it a few years and see if any of my answers have changed.
What are your middle names?
Mine is Leah, his is Charles (same as his grandpa’s middle name).
How long have you been together?
8 1/2 years since we started dating, and a year and a half since we were married.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met in May of 2000, and started dating in July.
Who asked whom out?
He asked me out, the cheeky kid (he was 18 when we started dating). I was kind of taken aback with how forward he was, but also flattered.
How old are each of you?
He is 27, and I’m 33. I know, I know, but seriously, he was the one chasing me!
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Right now we probably see my Seester and her family the most. My brother lives in Calgary, about 8 hours from us, so we don’t see them as much as I’d like. GeekDad is an only child, but he has a step-siblings, who we see fairly regularly, as they live in GP like us. And his step-sister and her family have just moved here from Atlanta, so I’m really looking forward to meeting them.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The period right after I had BabyA was pretty rough, what with me having a C-section, and GeekDad having mysterious chest pains, and neither of us having much in the way of sleep. Things have greatly improved since then, though.
Did you go to the same school?
The only school we’ve both attended is Grande Prairie Regional College. He did his business program there, and I did the first two years of my Bachelor’s degree there.
Are you from the same home town?
GeekDad was born and raised in Grande Prairie. I’ve lived all over Alberta, but insofar as I have a hometown, it would probably be GP. Both my parents live here, my grandparents lived here, and all of my family have lived here for a significant length of time.
Who is smarter?
I’ve got the academic credentials, but I don’t really think I’m any smarter than GeekDad. There isn’t anything I’ve studied that I can’t discuss and debate with him at home.
Who is the most sensitive?
Again, I’m not sure that one of us is more sensitive than the other. I definitely would say I’m the more tempermental one, and that this was magnified exponentially during my pregnancy. My hormones were all over the place, and I’d go from ecstatic to tearful to furious in literally about 3 seconds flat. We called them my MDK (Murder-Death-Kill) moments. It totally drove me crazy to be so out of control with my emotions, but GeekDad was incredibly patient and understanding. He’d just let me have my crying or yelling fit, wait for me to figure out I was acting nuts, and comfort me when I apologized through my tears. I really couldn’t have asked for a more understanding guy.
Where do you eat out most as a couple??
Eat out as a couple??!! BWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!! Seriously, we have an 8 month old baby. We went out for our first meal as a couple since we had BabyA for Valentines, and it was to the Keg. I think it could have been KFC and it would have been wonderful.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Vancouver, for our honeymoon. We’ve both been to New York since we’ve been together, but not as a couple. I went for work, and he went for school. We’d like to go together and visit Cindy and Junior and Sebastian, friends who live there.
Who has the craziest exes?
Neither of us, thank god.
Who has the worst temper?
Again, probably me, although in my defense I tend to get mad, yell, and the apologize for yelling and proceed to discussing whatever it is that is bothering me as a sane person.
Who does the cooking?
GeekDad can cook breakfast (bacon & eggs) and make decent sandwiches, but I’m the one who does the actually preparation of meals. The bonus here is that I love cooking. It’s a little bit of an escape for my brain, and there is nothing better than watching someone taste something you’ve cooked and see a look of delight spread across their face.
Who is the neat-freak?
That would definitely be GeekDad. He is the tidy one, the organizer, and I am of the whatever, leave-it-where-it-lies school. However, GeekDad’s neatness doesn’t necessarily translate into him cleaning up after me. Sigh.
Who is more stubborn?
I don’t really think either of us is that stubborn. We’re pretty good at discussing and compromising. However, I admit that once in a while I will get a bee in my bonnet about something, and be a general pain in the ass about it.
Who hogs the bed??
That would be BabyA. Before her, it was our cats. I guess we need to take ownership of our bed back.
Who wakes up earlier?
GeekDad, but mostly just because his work hours have started ealier than mine. On weekends, I’m usually up first. Not early, but first.
Where was your first date??
You know, neither of us can remember. When we got together, I were living 5 hours apart. The first weekend we got together we spent with our friends, and after that it wasn’t so much a date as spending whatever weekends we could together.
Who is more jealous?
I don’t think either of us is jealous. We certainly haven’t had any incidences where jealousy was an issue.
How long did it take to get serious?
Not very long at all. We started dating in July, and moved in together unofficially by December. This was due in large part to my moving back to GP when my father had a nervous breakdown. Not only did GeekDad stick around through that, but he was an incredible support to me and my family. After our relationship survived all of that crap, I knew we could make it really work.
Who eats more?
GeekDad probably eats more at meals, and I tend to be a snacker. Especially late at night. It’s a bad habit, and one that I am working on changing.
Who does the laundry?
Mostly me. I was going to say that this is because I don’t trust GeekDad to do my delicate stuff, but that isn’t really true. GeekDad tends to pull the “I don’t know what I’m doing. Isn’t it easier to just do it yourself?” card here, which is just malarky and he knows it. While I’m at home with BabyA, I’ve taken ownership of the household chores to a greater degree, but I think once I get back to work, we’re going to have to have a chat about this.
Who’s better with the computer?
I spend more time on the computer, and definitely more on the web. I have computer control issues, and watching other people computing drives me crazy. The itch to just do it myself is overwhelming. I think this comes from the same place as my impluse to finish other people’s sentances for them. I know it’s a bad habit, but I seem to have very little control over it. That said, GeekDad is definitely better with design and photoshop programs.
Who drives when you are together?
Normally that would be me – again with the control issues. GeekDad says I get too critical of what he’s doing, and it’s less stressful if I just drive. I am learning to change this, however, because with BabyA’s carseat, we have to move the passenger seat forward in our car, and GeekDad doesn’t fit (he’s 6’4”). And he’s probably the better driver anyway, just less assertive than I would like at times.
18 February 2009
I'm a little late, and a lot anti-valentine...
As everyone knows, this last weekend was Valentine's Day. Now I'm in a happy and healthy relationship, and have been for a number of years, but I'm still more of the school of anti-Valentine's parties and Valentine's sucks cards. One year I made anti-Valentine cookies with a friend - they were cookies decorated with broken and bleeding hearts and messages of hatred and gloom. It was one of my favorite Valentine's Days ever.
However, that sort of thing is less appropriate when one is happily married, so GeekDad and I celebrated our Valentine's with our first dinner out without BabyA. I've written here before about how much work it is to eat out with a Baby, but I really had forgotten how NICE it is to be able to eat an entire meal without handing out crackers and making funny faces and wiping mush from a little face. I love my daughter, but I REALLY enjoyed my meal out. This was the first time in a long time GeekDad and I were able to have a conversation, and not just talk, and I was reminded how lucky I am to be with someone who gets me.
Which brings me to the actual topic of this post. It's been on my mind quite a bit lately, probably because of all the Valentine's hoopla, and also a conversation I heard on CBC radio, and another I had with my Seester. We were talking last week about relationships, and marriage, and babies, and one of the things we discussed was how I found it very frustrating in the churches I attended was this annoying emphasis on finding THE RIGHT ONE. There's this whole movement where you are supposed to pray that God will bring the right person into your life, which I think is really problematic. First, I'm not a believer in the whole idea of soul-mates, which is really what THE RIGHT ONE means. I don't think there is one person with whom you are compatible. There are people with whom you are more compatible, and people with whom you are less so. But relationships, and marriage, if that's for you, is about finding one of those compatible people, and then working your ass off at becoming the RIGHT ONE for them.
Because relationships are work - a lot of work. You start with getting used to co-habitating with someone, with all those things that are fun, but also all those annoying habits, and differences in handling meals, and chores, and even in how you communicate. And then you add in all those stressful life events, like the death of loved ones, and moving to a new house or a new city, and losing a job, and finding a new one. Throw a kid or two into the mix, and things get even tougher. And you start to see how this person handles stress, and whether they remember to keep talking to you, and sometimes you talk to each other, and sometimes you just let each other rest, so you can actually handle talking to each other again. You get angry, you get frustrated, you get sad.
But you also work at finding ways to take care of this person, this partner. You learn when to make them talk, and when to just let them be, to sleep, or think, or get their mind to a different place. You think about ways to show them you love them, whether it's little or big. You find ways to make their family happy, because you know it makes them happy. And you talk and fight and make love and compromise and WORK. And if you're lucky, they do all those things for you too. And somewhere down the road, you discover that you haven't found the right one, you've become the right one, and this person has become your right one, because of all the work and love and talking and fighting and compromise.
I think this is why I'm not such a fan of Valentine's Day, because it seems more about infatuation than love. The gestures of Valentine's Day are nice, but they are peanuts beside all those things that really make a relationship work. And the truth is that you don't find a Valentine, you make one. Don't get me wrong, I totally get that even finding someone with whom you are compatible and who feels the same way about you is hard, and not really fun, and can absolutely suck alot of the time. But I think if people were allowing themselves to look for someone they could work at a relationship with, and not magically have a relationship with, it might be just a little bit easier.
I am so lucky, because my partner in geekdom, my GeekDad, knows from work. He does all of these things, the love and the talking and the work, for me, and inspires me to do these things for him. And I hope that with alot of work and a little luck and just buckets and buckets of love, we will continue to work at being the right one for each other. So I won't wish him or you a happy Vaalentine's Day. I'll say to my GeekDad - I love you, and thank you for everything. And I will wish all of you the joy of a labour of love!
However, that sort of thing is less appropriate when one is happily married, so GeekDad and I celebrated our Valentine's with our first dinner out without BabyA. I've written here before about how much work it is to eat out with a Baby, but I really had forgotten how NICE it is to be able to eat an entire meal without handing out crackers and making funny faces and wiping mush from a little face. I love my daughter, but I REALLY enjoyed my meal out. This was the first time in a long time GeekDad and I were able to have a conversation, and not just talk, and I was reminded how lucky I am to be with someone who gets me.
Which brings me to the actual topic of this post. It's been on my mind quite a bit lately, probably because of all the Valentine's hoopla, and also a conversation I heard on CBC radio, and another I had with my Seester. We were talking last week about relationships, and marriage, and babies, and one of the things we discussed was how I found it very frustrating in the churches I attended was this annoying emphasis on finding THE RIGHT ONE. There's this whole movement where you are supposed to pray that God will bring the right person into your life, which I think is really problematic. First, I'm not a believer in the whole idea of soul-mates, which is really what THE RIGHT ONE means. I don't think there is one person with whom you are compatible. There are people with whom you are more compatible, and people with whom you are less so. But relationships, and marriage, if that's for you, is about finding one of those compatible people, and then working your ass off at becoming the RIGHT ONE for them.
Because relationships are work - a lot of work. You start with getting used to co-habitating with someone, with all those things that are fun, but also all those annoying habits, and differences in handling meals, and chores, and even in how you communicate. And then you add in all those stressful life events, like the death of loved ones, and moving to a new house or a new city, and losing a job, and finding a new one. Throw a kid or two into the mix, and things get even tougher. And you start to see how this person handles stress, and whether they remember to keep talking to you, and sometimes you talk to each other, and sometimes you just let each other rest, so you can actually handle talking to each other again. You get angry, you get frustrated, you get sad.
But you also work at finding ways to take care of this person, this partner. You learn when to make them talk, and when to just let them be, to sleep, or think, or get their mind to a different place. You think about ways to show them you love them, whether it's little or big. You find ways to make their family happy, because you know it makes them happy. And you talk and fight and make love and compromise and WORK. And if you're lucky, they do all those things for you too. And somewhere down the road, you discover that you haven't found the right one, you've become the right one, and this person has become your right one, because of all the work and love and talking and fighting and compromise.
I think this is why I'm not such a fan of Valentine's Day, because it seems more about infatuation than love. The gestures of Valentine's Day are nice, but they are peanuts beside all those things that really make a relationship work. And the truth is that you don't find a Valentine, you make one. Don't get me wrong, I totally get that even finding someone with whom you are compatible and who feels the same way about you is hard, and not really fun, and can absolutely suck alot of the time. But I think if people were allowing themselves to look for someone they could work at a relationship with, and not magically have a relationship with, it might be just a little bit easier.
I am so lucky, because my partner in geekdom, my GeekDad, knows from work. He does all of these things, the love and the talking and the work, for me, and inspires me to do these things for him. And I hope that with alot of work and a little luck and just buckets and buckets of love, we will continue to work at being the right one for each other. So I won't wish him or you a happy Vaalentine's Day. I'll say to my GeekDad - I love you, and thank you for everything. And I will wish all of you the joy of a labour of love!
01 February 2009
My Weekend Update, which is nowhere near as funny as Amy Poehler's.
This weekend was nice. Just, nice. Friday was dinner out with visiting relatives, which if you are a parent you realize generally goes like this:
1) Clear the table of anything Baby might grab that could injure her or result in a mess. This means clearing the table of EVERYTHING. Cutlery? Check. Water glass? Check. Beverage glass. Check. Napkin? Check.
2) Now that the table is empty, refill with Baby's toys, sippy cup, snack cup, saucer with food, baby spoon, wipes, bib, etc., until the damn table looks like your table at home, which means it is invisible under the BABY STUFF, OH GOD, THE BABY STUFF.
3) Spend the time while you are waiting for your food thinking how good Baby is being, and how nice it is too eat out.
4) Food arrives, and Baby suddenly loses patience and sanity, and MUST BE HELD NOW, not so she can enjoy being held, but so she can squirm like a worm on a hook, reach for all those things out of her reach and squeal at the top of her lungs when you don't give them to her. All of this you are doing with one hand, while trying to eat with the other hand
Actually, I have to admit, it wasn't really that bad. Both GeekDad and I got to visit with some of our family, and my cousin and his wife who were sitting across from us have a daughter only 7 months older than BabyA, so they were engaged in the same lovely ritual as us. It's just that I remember when going out for dinner was more relaxing and less exhausting, and I miss that, just a little. However, GeekDad and I have finagled Nana into babysitting for us for Valentine's Day, so we will be having our first dinner out unaccompanied by BabyA. I'm looking forward to it.
Saturday involved a little lounging and a little shopping, and then dinner with some out-of-town friends and some in-town friends, and was generally a really good time. We started a game of Cranium (which is awesome, btw), and didn't realize that it was almost midnight by the time we left. That is the latest we've been out since BabyA was born, and it was kind of nice.
Sunday was dinner at the in-laws, which started with some visiting, and then moved onto some Wii, and finished with a lovely roast, so generally, a really nice day. I tried to remember to take pictures, but forgot mostly, as usual. I did however, get the following pics of Grandma teaching BabyA how to use a ride on toy, which she loved.
So, generally a good weekend. In other news, I saw my doctor this morning about the weight loss thing. She recommended something like Jenny Craig, which says is successful for alot of her patients. JC is not an option for me - for one thing, its freakin' expensive, and for another, the food is bland as shit, as my mother-in-law and her hubby can attest. I asked about Weight Watchers, which I've tried before with some success, and she said that it takes more patience, because of the food weighing and cooking, etc., but can work quite well. I think that's what I'm gonna go with. I'd rather cook my own food anyway. She also let me know that she can prescribe an appetite suppresant, but not until I'm finished breastfeeding, so I can keep it in mind for the future. I also need to work on a regular excercise plan, but I feel better just having made this first move. My biggest goal is to be healthy, so I can be a better example for my daughter, and this is a definate step in the right direction. Consider yourself warned, hamster wheel!!
28 January 2009
Go be happy, people.
This weekend was quiet - we visited with some of GeekDad's stepfamily on Saturday, and did grocery shopping and movie watching on Sunday. I'm not sure why I specify stepfamily, because really, these people are just family. I totally lucked out on in-laws, I have to tell you. My mother-in-law is wonderful - kind and supportive and very careful of not overstepping her bounds. I find it kind of funny, because she never has overstepped her bounds, but she tells me about how she won't say something because she worries I'll be upset, and I can sense how much she loves both her son and I. And she is married to a generous and kind man, who comes with his own family, both immediate and extended, who have completely adopted us. It really is something to be grateful for.
Which leads me to my next topic - 365 days of Grace in Small Things. This project and network was started by fellow blogger Schmutzie, and it strikes me as a singularly fabulous idea. The purpose of GiST is to "Grace in Small Things exists because we are choosing not to allow the noisiness of life to rob us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things," by listing 5 things which make us happy every day. I have always found that remembering the good and happy things in my life helps me to stave off the occasional boughts of self-pity and a family tendency for depression. This just makes it a little more formal, and also, will give me something to regularly post about here.
So, here goes. Things I am happy for today:
1. My family, immediate, extended, and extended-extended. I love my family, and they make my life richer.
2. The colour of the sky on a bright winter day. I'm no fan of winter, but you just don't get that same clear blue in the winter. The sunshine is far preferable to the grey, overcast days, and I wish I could get my bedroom walls to be this colour.
3. My hair. Despite the changes pregnancy has wrought, I love my curly hair. It is easy to do, it recovers well from colouring, and it looks good both short and long.
4. Public radio. I don't like having the TV on constantly with BabyA here, and CBC Radio 1 keeps me entertained throughout the day.
5. Today, this video made me happy. It was posted by Schmutzie on the GiST website. The song is light and pretty, and the video is creative and interesting and happy-provoking.
Now, your turn. Go be happy.
Which leads me to my next topic - 365 days of Grace in Small Things. This project and network was started by fellow blogger Schmutzie, and it strikes me as a singularly fabulous idea. The purpose of GiST is to "Grace in Small Things exists because we are choosing not to allow the noisiness of life to rob us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things," by listing 5 things which make us happy every day. I have always found that remembering the good and happy things in my life helps me to stave off the occasional boughts of self-pity and a family tendency for depression. This just makes it a little more formal, and also, will give me something to regularly post about here.
So, here goes. Things I am happy for today:
1. My family, immediate, extended, and extended-extended. I love my family, and they make my life richer.
2. The colour of the sky on a bright winter day. I'm no fan of winter, but you just don't get that same clear blue in the winter. The sunshine is far preferable to the grey, overcast days, and I wish I could get my bedroom walls to be this colour.
3. My hair. Despite the changes pregnancy has wrought, I love my curly hair. It is easy to do, it recovers well from colouring, and it looks good both short and long.
4. Public radio. I don't like having the TV on constantly with BabyA here, and CBC Radio 1 keeps me entertained throughout the day.
5. Today, this video made me happy. It was posted by Schmutzie on the GiST website. The song is light and pretty, and the video is creative and interesting and happy-provoking.
Now, your turn. Go be happy.
07 January 2009
tiny democracy Pop Quiz, 2008 Edition.
So, I was reading All and Sundry's blog, a personal favorite. And she invited her readers to answer her Pop Quiz for themselves. I think that ideally this would have been done BEFORE New Years, but I think its a great way to sum up the year that was. So I'm posting late. Ya gotta problem with that??
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I had a baby. It was weird. And fantastic. Still is, come to think of it.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t make any resolutions last year, and never really have. But I’ve made some for this year already, because I think I need to have more concrete goals.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Just me. I guess I’m close to me, most of the time.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
GeekDad’s aunt passed away shortly after BabyA was born, due to chronic organ rejection on a double lung transplant she had about 6 years ago. We miss her dearly.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Just puttered around Alberta. Being pregnant and then a new mom was not so conducive to long distance mobility.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A permanent work situation.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 21, the day my daughter was born. Nov. 4, when Barack Obama was elected.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a child, teaching my first class.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Overcoming my procrastinating tendencies. Hello, my name is Dawn, and I’m a chronic procrastinator.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, other than a slightly rough recovery from my C-section.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our Quinny stroller for our daughter. The infant car seat fits onto a stroller frame, and the whole thing fits in the trunk of our Mazda 3.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The American voters, collectively. You got all excited about democracy, and hope, all that shit. You turned out to vote in droves, which is meritorious in itself, and then you went and elected Obama. Seriously, dudes, kudos to you!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sarah Palin, mostly because she didn’t seem to have any clue how clueless she was.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Various and assorted pregnancy and then baby gear.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The obvious is BabyA, but the less obvious? My friend Jen finally running in the federal election. It’s something we’ve been working on for a long, long time.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Forever, by Chris Brown. I’m not a fan of Chris Brown generally speaking, but this song from So You Think You Can Dance – Season 4, which was my guilty pleasure while I learned how to breastfeed BabyA. That show was what got me through July and August, while I recovered from labour and learned to be a mom. I can’t hear it without feeling a rush of emotion.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. My baby is here, and alive, and healthy. I have a fantastic life partner, and great family and friends.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner, surprisingly enough. I’m hoping to keep that trend going.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, as I’m on maternity leave.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I always wish I’d travelled more, although travel was rather complicated for a good part of this year. Maybe keeping in touch with friends who live away.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about whether BabyA was doing alright. I know it’s just part of the post-partum hormonal soup, but I spent the first two months obsessing to an unhealthy degree about whether she was eating, sleeping, pooping, too much, not enough, whatever. If it was possible to worry about it I did. I even worried about whether I was worrying too much. Seriously.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family at my sister’s house. It was noisy and happy and tiring and exactly what Christmas should be.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With my daughter. It sounds cheesy, but I am absolutely, ridiculously infatuated with her. Also, I fell for my partner all over again, watching him becoming a father.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably Chuck. I heart Chuck. And Zachary Levi. Nom nom.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t really hate people. I feel bad for people who make themselves unlikable, but find hating is mostly a waste of time and energy on people who really aren’t worth it.
24. What was the best book you read?
I loved the Twilight series. It’s cheesy, melodramatic, angsty teen fiction, and I craved it like the literary crack it is.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Making musical discoveries is one of the things that fell by the wayside in what turned out to be a very busy year. I loved a lot of the soundtrack to SYTYCD, as was already mentioned.
26. What did you want and get?
Cute maternity clothes. A cool camera.
27. What did you want and not get?
An iphone. I am already campaigning for this year.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day. I didn’t have much for expectations as I only came across the preview on another DVD we rented, but it turned out to be a wonderful little gem of a film. Watch it.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I marked papers. All day, and half the night. I was teaching my first political science course, and it was a condensed spring session, so that kind of ate up all of May. And how old? 33. No comments from the peanut gallery.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can’t really think of a lot. This year was pretty great, personally and professionally. And I try not to feel dissatisfied, but remind myself of how truly lucky I am.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Body fluctuations. Not so much weight gain as a major change in body shape with the pregnancy, a major weight loss after. These have left me searching for anything at all in my closet that fits.
32. What kept you sane?
My husband. His patience through my pregnancy and post-partum crazies deserves a Nobel prize.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can I name a literary character? Edward, from the Twilight series. Not Robert Pattison (the actor who plays Edward), but Edward from the book, who lives in my head. Oh, swoon. Really.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The sneaky crawl towards privatizing health care in Alberta. When I realize that having BabyA would have cost us thirty to fourty thousand dollars in the US, I realized how important our publicly funded health care system is.
35. Who did you miss?
My friends, April, Andrea, and Hader, who don’t live near me. And my brother, who also lives too far away.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I’m going to say my students (!), the first class I’ve taught. They were interesting, and funny, and smart, and I’m sure I learned as much from them as they did from me.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Children do not come with an instruction booklet. Trying to treat the myriad of advice books about children like instruction manuals can lead to extreme craziness and obsessive behaviour. Parenting requires a bit of intuition, and a lot of learning from mistakes.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Say, its only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Yes, it's only a canvas sky
Hanging over a muslin tree
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Without your love
It's a honky-tonk parade
Without your love
It's a melody played in a penny arcade
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
And with that, we begin a new year, people. Use it wisely!!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I had a baby. It was weird. And fantastic. Still is, come to think of it.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t make any resolutions last year, and never really have. But I’ve made some for this year already, because I think I need to have more concrete goals.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Just me. I guess I’m close to me, most of the time.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
GeekDad’s aunt passed away shortly after BabyA was born, due to chronic organ rejection on a double lung transplant she had about 6 years ago. We miss her dearly.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Just puttered around Alberta. Being pregnant and then a new mom was not so conducive to long distance mobility.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A permanent work situation.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 21, the day my daughter was born. Nov. 4, when Barack Obama was elected.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a child, teaching my first class.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Overcoming my procrastinating tendencies. Hello, my name is Dawn, and I’m a chronic procrastinator.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, other than a slightly rough recovery from my C-section.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our Quinny stroller for our daughter. The infant car seat fits onto a stroller frame, and the whole thing fits in the trunk of our Mazda 3.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The American voters, collectively. You got all excited about democracy, and hope, all that shit. You turned out to vote in droves, which is meritorious in itself, and then you went and elected Obama. Seriously, dudes, kudos to you!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sarah Palin, mostly because she didn’t seem to have any clue how clueless she was.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Various and assorted pregnancy and then baby gear.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The obvious is BabyA, but the less obvious? My friend Jen finally running in the federal election. It’s something we’ve been working on for a long, long time.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Forever, by Chris Brown. I’m not a fan of Chris Brown generally speaking, but this song from So You Think You Can Dance – Season 4, which was my guilty pleasure while I learned how to breastfeed BabyA. That show was what got me through July and August, while I recovered from labour and learned to be a mom. I can’t hear it without feeling a rush of emotion.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. My baby is here, and alive, and healthy. I have a fantastic life partner, and great family and friends.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner, surprisingly enough. I’m hoping to keep that trend going.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, as I’m on maternity leave.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I always wish I’d travelled more, although travel was rather complicated for a good part of this year. Maybe keeping in touch with friends who live away.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about whether BabyA was doing alright. I know it’s just part of the post-partum hormonal soup, but I spent the first two months obsessing to an unhealthy degree about whether she was eating, sleeping, pooping, too much, not enough, whatever. If it was possible to worry about it I did. I even worried about whether I was worrying too much. Seriously.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family at my sister’s house. It was noisy and happy and tiring and exactly what Christmas should be.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With my daughter. It sounds cheesy, but I am absolutely, ridiculously infatuated with her. Also, I fell for my partner all over again, watching him becoming a father.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably Chuck. I heart Chuck. And Zachary Levi. Nom nom.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t really hate people. I feel bad for people who make themselves unlikable, but find hating is mostly a waste of time and energy on people who really aren’t worth it.
24. What was the best book you read?
I loved the Twilight series. It’s cheesy, melodramatic, angsty teen fiction, and I craved it like the literary crack it is.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Making musical discoveries is one of the things that fell by the wayside in what turned out to be a very busy year. I loved a lot of the soundtrack to SYTYCD, as was already mentioned.
26. What did you want and get?
Cute maternity clothes. A cool camera.
27. What did you want and not get?
An iphone. I am already campaigning for this year.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day. I didn’t have much for expectations as I only came across the preview on another DVD we rented, but it turned out to be a wonderful little gem of a film. Watch it.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I marked papers. All day, and half the night. I was teaching my first political science course, and it was a condensed spring session, so that kind of ate up all of May. And how old? 33. No comments from the peanut gallery.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can’t really think of a lot. This year was pretty great, personally and professionally. And I try not to feel dissatisfied, but remind myself of how truly lucky I am.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Body fluctuations. Not so much weight gain as a major change in body shape with the pregnancy, a major weight loss after. These have left me searching for anything at all in my closet that fits.
32. What kept you sane?
My husband. His patience through my pregnancy and post-partum crazies deserves a Nobel prize.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can I name a literary character? Edward, from the Twilight series. Not Robert Pattison (the actor who plays Edward), but Edward from the book, who lives in my head. Oh, swoon. Really.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The sneaky crawl towards privatizing health care in Alberta. When I realize that having BabyA would have cost us thirty to fourty thousand dollars in the US, I realized how important our publicly funded health care system is.
35. Who did you miss?
My friends, April, Andrea, and Hader, who don’t live near me. And my brother, who also lives too far away.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I’m going to say my students (!), the first class I’ve taught. They were interesting, and funny, and smart, and I’m sure I learned as much from them as they did from me.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Children do not come with an instruction booklet. Trying to treat the myriad of advice books about children like instruction manuals can lead to extreme craziness and obsessive behaviour. Parenting requires a bit of intuition, and a lot of learning from mistakes.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Say, its only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Yes, it's only a canvas sky
Hanging over a muslin tree
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Without your love
It's a honky-tonk parade
Without your love
It's a melody played in a penny arcade
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
And with that, we begin a new year, people. Use it wisely!!
29 December 2008
Happiness is meant to be shared. So is tiredness, and crankiness.
So, our Christmas was, well, Christmas-y. In that there were wonderful moments (watching my nephew's face as he opened THE gift he wanted on Chrismas morning),
...cranky moments - not caring that the gravy didn't taste right, whatever, I'm done),
...tired moments (dozing off in the middle of an epic Wii boxing battle at the in-laws), and alot of generally warm fuzzy feelings.
Underpinning all of this was the realization that Christmas is just different when you're a parent. I've always been one to enjoy getting just the right gifts for people, but with a child, I think its more the search for the magic gift, not necessarily the most expensive one, but the one that will light up your child's face.
BabyA is still pretty young for that, but we did manage to get a great activity centre, with spinners and tumblers and balls on wires that all three of my sister's children, aged 2, 5, and 7, played with. I am thrilled with the potential longevity of this toy.
Now that the holidays are over, I'm faced with the task of deciding what I would like to see in the New Year, for me and my little family. My biggest task, I think, will be attempting to find some stability and balance in my professional life. I don't have a permanent job, and while I would love to teach again, that depends on whether the folks over at the local college need me. Ideally, I'd love to teach a single course for at least a year or so, so that I can still spend the majority of my time with BabyA. This will also mean arranging childcare for the first time, so any suggestion you might have would be appreciated. As for our family, I think purchasing our own home is pretty high on the list. It may not happen this year, but my working would put us a lot closer.
As for personal goals, I want to keep working at this writing thing. Generally, conversation with friends, and especially my mother, has been a vehicle for articulating ideas that are important to me. Writing this blog is somewhat of a challenge, because it lacks the whetstone of another person to sharpend my thoughts. It is a different process, but I think it is an important one, and one, and I'm going to keep working on it.
I'm also working on getting in better shape physically. I know that the making and breaking of resolutions around weight loss has got to be THE major cliche in New Year's resolutions, My pregnancy with BabyA gave me the astonishing gift of a major weight loss, and I really want to use the impetus to keep this up. I've already gained some of it back, because I'm breastfeeding - OK, sidebar. You know how they say breastfeeding helps you lose weight? Well, it can, and did for me, especially at first when I had zero appetite because of the c-section. However, it turns out that breastfeeding can also cause a bit increase in appetite later on, because your body requires nutrition to create milk. Apparently when you stop breastfeeding, you can lose a fair bit of weight again, as your body readjustes. Here's hoping! Other that that, I've been trying to go the the gym regularly. GeekDad's mom usually doesn't work in the afternoons, and she's really generous with babysitting so that I can work out. She has also offered us the elliptical machine she is getting rid of, so I'm trying to find space in our family room, so that I can work out without leaving the house. I'm also thinking that taking BabyA for walks in her little sled would be a really great idea. I promise to keep you updated on my progress.
So, my list: 1 - work on the work situation, 2 - work on my writing, 3 - work on getting in shape. Should these be more concrete goals? Maybe. OK, fine tuning.
Work. OK, I'm keeping that one vague, because I'm not sure what working is going to look like post-baby.
Writing - I resolve to still be writing this blog at the end of 2009.
Weight - I'd like to lose 20 lbs by the end of 2009. I need to lose more than that, but I'm really more concerned about being in shape, and consistent slow weight loss over time is more likely to be permanent, which is what's really important to me. I want to be able to play with BabyA at the playground, not just follow her around, being all out of breath and sweaty.
Oh, a final resolution - I want to be better at keeping in touch with people. I have a tendancy to let friendships fall by the wayside as things get busy, especially with friends who don't live close enough to see them on a regular basis. This is not a good thing, and I want to change it. So I'm going now, to make some phone calls, get some addresses so I can send out family photos, and reconnect.
I hope your holidays were as happy as mine, and here's hoping that the New Year will bring happiness and satisfaction with our collective lots in life. Mmmwwaaaaahhhh!
23 December 2008
The holiday schmaltz commences...
Today is Christmas Eve - let the craziness begin. First there's the shop-a-thon for last minute groceries, although gifts are done, thank god for that. Then the commences four days of non-stop family, visiting and eating. Seriously. Here is a look at my schedule.
Christmas Eve: lunch at GeekDad's grandparents with his family, then out to my sister's acreage for sledding and hot chocolate.
Christmas Day: breakfast and dinner at my sister's with our family
Boxing Day: at in-laws with in-laws and step in-laws and step-step-in-laws.
Day after Boxing Day: lunch at sister's with extended family on dad's side, and then to dad's house for supper.
Sunday: the day the world must stop, or else I will die of exhaustion. Seriously.
I have to say, though, that I have so much to be grateful for that serious complaining would be tempting the gods to smite me. We will be spending time with many family and friends, all of whom love us dearly, and all of whom I like. We all have jobs and homes to live in, which is a great deal more than many can say at this time. And we have lots of love, so it will truly be a Merry Christmas, despite the craziness.
And to those who are taking the time to read my blog, I hope you have these things too. And if not the jobs and homes, then at least the love, because it is truly the one thing we can't live without. In that spirit, please to enjoy the following video. Because it makes me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too.
Merry Christmas, peoples!
Christmas Eve: lunch at GeekDad's grandparents with his family, then out to my sister's acreage for sledding and hot chocolate.
Christmas Day: breakfast and dinner at my sister's with our family
Boxing Day: at in-laws with in-laws and step in-laws and step-step-in-laws.
Day after Boxing Day: lunch at sister's with extended family on dad's side, and then to dad's house for supper.
Sunday: the day the world must stop, or else I will die of exhaustion. Seriously.
I have to say, though, that I have so much to be grateful for that serious complaining would be tempting the gods to smite me. We will be spending time with many family and friends, all of whom love us dearly, and all of whom I like. We all have jobs and homes to live in, which is a great deal more than many can say at this time. And we have lots of love, so it will truly be a Merry Christmas, despite the craziness.
And to those who are taking the time to read my blog, I hope you have these things too. And if not the jobs and homes, then at least the love, because it is truly the one thing we can't live without. In that spirit, please to enjoy the following video. Because it makes me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too.
Merry Christmas, peoples!
05 December 2008
To Santa, or not to Santa?
BabyA is only a few months old this Christmas, so the whole Santa thing isn't too big of a worry. But I know it will be, and GeekDad and I have to figure this out. Here's the background:
I grew up in a religious family. My father was a minister with the an evangelical association, and my church associations as a teen were of the slightly radical variety. I fondly refer to it as the Church of Big Hair. As a child, we did NOT celebrate Santa. Santa was a nice symbol of Christmas, and was never portrayed as bad, he was just a secondary distraction to what Christmas was really about - the birth of Christ. We still did stockings and such, but gifts were always from Mom and Dad, never Santa. I'm not saying that Christmas wasn't magical for us, because it totally was, and still is, my favorite time of year. But Santa just wasn't a part of that.
GeekDad grew up in a household that didn't regularly attend any church, and Santa embodied all that Christmas was about - giving and receiving gifts, celebrating family, etc. Most of the presents came from Mom and various other family members, but the big gift always came from Santa. He used to listen to the radio as it tracked Santa's progress on Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning eagerly awaited, because SANTA HAD VISITED.
Now that we're a family, I'm reaching to figure out how to incorporate both of our traditions. While my faith has significantly changed in both form and function since my youth, its still an essential part of who I am, and something I very much want to pass on to my daughter. And I know GeekDad also wants to pass on the magic that Santa meant to him in his childhood. But how to do this??
One of my biggest reservations regarding the whole Santa thing is the business of finding out that Santa isn't real. While I obviously didn't experience this moment, I've heard enough stories from various friends to know that it can be really traumatic. It feels to me like I would be lying to my daughter, and I really have some reservations about this. Because as an adult I totally get the Santa-as-a-symbol thing, but there is just no explaining that to a kid who just found out that Santa isn't an actual living, breathing person.
In addition, my sister's children haven't been taught the whole Santa thing, and I know if we tell the Santa stories to BabyA, its going to make family Christmases that much more complicated. So.
I'm turning to you, interwebz. How do you deal with combining secular and religious traditions? Do you celebrate more than one faith? Any advice for a fledgling mom on Christmas, Baby Jesus, Santa, etc.?
I grew up in a religious family. My father was a minister with the an evangelical association, and my church associations as a teen were of the slightly radical variety. I fondly refer to it as the Church of Big Hair. As a child, we did NOT celebrate Santa. Santa was a nice symbol of Christmas, and was never portrayed as bad, he was just a secondary distraction to what Christmas was really about - the birth of Christ. We still did stockings and such, but gifts were always from Mom and Dad, never Santa. I'm not saying that Christmas wasn't magical for us, because it totally was, and still is, my favorite time of year. But Santa just wasn't a part of that.
GeekDad grew up in a household that didn't regularly attend any church, and Santa embodied all that Christmas was about - giving and receiving gifts, celebrating family, etc. Most of the presents came from Mom and various other family members, but the big gift always came from Santa. He used to listen to the radio as it tracked Santa's progress on Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning eagerly awaited, because SANTA HAD VISITED.
Now that we're a family, I'm reaching to figure out how to incorporate both of our traditions. While my faith has significantly changed in both form and function since my youth, its still an essential part of who I am, and something I very much want to pass on to my daughter. And I know GeekDad also wants to pass on the magic that Santa meant to him in his childhood. But how to do this??
One of my biggest reservations regarding the whole Santa thing is the business of finding out that Santa isn't real. While I obviously didn't experience this moment, I've heard enough stories from various friends to know that it can be really traumatic. It feels to me like I would be lying to my daughter, and I really have some reservations about this. Because as an adult I totally get the Santa-as-a-symbol thing, but there is just no explaining that to a kid who just found out that Santa isn't an actual living, breathing person.
In addition, my sister's children haven't been taught the whole Santa thing, and I know if we tell the Santa stories to BabyA, its going to make family Christmases that much more complicated. So.
I'm turning to you, interwebz. How do you deal with combining secular and religious traditions? Do you celebrate more than one faith? Any advice for a fledgling mom on Christmas, Baby Jesus, Santa, etc.?
30 November 2008
I Need to Remember This, my A-.
I need to remember this. This is always how I have affixed memories in my mind, by freezing time for a split second, stepping outside of myself, and consciously fixing a time, a place, a feeling, in my head. I have memories of a cafe in Paris, a trattoria in Rome, the first time my husband kissed, the first time we made love. The feel of the air, the smell of the walls or the wind, the ambient light; I can recall these circumstances and settings, and take myself back, not only to the time, but the feel of these memories.
And now, I need to remember my daughter, A-. The size she is now, as she sleeps on my chest, her head tucked into my neck. Her arms are draped down either side of my breasts, and her head is cocked back at that angle that can only be comfortable to a baby, whose bones still remember the weightlessness of the womb. I cannot see her face, only her ear, visible when I tuck my chin to my chest. Her weight, at once solid and slight, weighty and fragile. It is the knowledge that she changes from one moment to the next, as her chest rises and falls with each breath, that makes her seem so ephemeral. Her cheek, chin, hand, are so soft, as I run my fingers over them. I remember the feel of her mouth on my breast, the substance and sustanence I offer her each time she feeds. I bend my cheek to hers, kiss her face, breathe her sweet, familiar smell. The warm glow of the dim lights in our home and the cooler lights from the television combine in a familiar glow, particular to this room. My husband's arm and leg are pressed against mine, and my free hand and his reach for each other but do not clasp. They pass over each other lightly, tracing lines and calluses, bone and flesh, in that manner bred by intimacy. It is just we three here and now.
I am so afraid that I will forget this moment. It happens, I know, because our two grown cats, our first children, laze about this room with us, and I was their when they were born, and have watched them grow. My mind knows that they were once tiny balls of fuzzy hair and clouded eyes, and yet my heart cannot remember that they fit in the palm of my hand. I reach for that memory, knowing that it existed, and yet it eludes me.
I cannot let that happen with A-. And so I sit, after the moment has passed, and commit this memory to writing. To the solid black and white of words. I hope that this writing is more trustworthy than my slippery mind and heart, which can only see the present beauty. I need to remember this.
And now, I need to remember my daughter, A-. The size she is now, as she sleeps on my chest, her head tucked into my neck. Her arms are draped down either side of my breasts, and her head is cocked back at that angle that can only be comfortable to a baby, whose bones still remember the weightlessness of the womb. I cannot see her face, only her ear, visible when I tuck my chin to my chest. Her weight, at once solid and slight, weighty and fragile. It is the knowledge that she changes from one moment to the next, as her chest rises and falls with each breath, that makes her seem so ephemeral. Her cheek, chin, hand, are so soft, as I run my fingers over them. I remember the feel of her mouth on my breast, the substance and sustanence I offer her each time she feeds. I bend my cheek to hers, kiss her face, breathe her sweet, familiar smell. The warm glow of the dim lights in our home and the cooler lights from the television combine in a familiar glow, particular to this room. My husband's arm and leg are pressed against mine, and my free hand and his reach for each other but do not clasp. They pass over each other lightly, tracing lines and calluses, bone and flesh, in that manner bred by intimacy. It is just we three here and now.
I am so afraid that I will forget this moment. It happens, I know, because our two grown cats, our first children, laze about this room with us, and I was their when they were born, and have watched them grow. My mind knows that they were once tiny balls of fuzzy hair and clouded eyes, and yet my heart cannot remember that they fit in the palm of my hand. I reach for that memory, knowing that it existed, and yet it eludes me.
I cannot let that happen with A-. And so I sit, after the moment has passed, and commit this memory to writing. To the solid black and white of words. I hope that this writing is more trustworthy than my slippery mind and heart, which can only see the present beauty. I need to remember this.
12 November 2008
Coolest Baby Room Ever? May-beee...
So, this is the first mommy-type post of my mommy-ish blog. BabyA is current 4 and 3/4 months old. If you've ever wondered why it is that parents are so anally specific about the age of their babies, it's because they grow so ridiculously fast. Literally, BabyA changes from week to week in what she can do, how she responds to GeekDad and I, and how she sees her world. It is one of the most awe-inspiring things I've had the privilege to witness. Seriously.
So, because one of the purposes of this blog is to catalogue BabyA's childhood, I am dutifully reporting that she rolled from her stomach to her back today. She's been regularly rolling from back to tummy for a few weeks already, whereupon she acts like a high centred turtle and thrashes about with her arms and legs until she gets tired and starts making those frustrated 'meh, meh' sounds, but this is the first time she's continued the rolling to make a complete roll. And I have to say, this shit scares me a bit, because I'm fully aware that the rolling and the thrashing are precursors to the crawling and the walking, and I'm am not prepared for Mobile Baby, for godsakes!! I commissioned my brother, the engineer, to think about how the hell we're going to rig up a baby gate for the main floor of our four-level split, cause two sets of stairs +
mobile baby = panicked mama. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated, interwebs!
In other baby-related news, GeekDad and I have finished decorating BabyA's room. About 5 months late, but you know, the whole working until 2 weeks before due date, and then C-section that won't heal quite right, and post-partum anxiety crazies... well, I'm lucky its finished now. Anyway, I'm totally jazzed about her room, and fully acknowledge the fact that apparently we've decided BabyA will be an astronomy geek. Hey, I wasn't going to go decorating my kid's room with My Little Pony or Dora or some such shit. Not a fan of the over-merchandised kiddie crap over here. So we went with a Sky and Space type theme. Notice the moon light on the wall - it cycles through the moon phases, from crescent to full and back again. Also, GeekDad and I put actual constellations in the star patterns. They aren't placed right or anything, but they are there.
And here's the fab-o-luss solar system mobile:
I love this room - I just hope BabyA is just as pleased, once she's old enough to have an opinion.
So, because one of the purposes of this blog is to catalogue BabyA's childhood, I am dutifully reporting that she rolled from her stomach to her back today. She's been regularly rolling from back to tummy for a few weeks already, whereupon she acts like a high centred turtle and thrashes about with her arms and legs until she gets tired and starts making those frustrated 'meh, meh' sounds, but this is the first time she's continued the rolling to make a complete roll. And I have to say, this shit scares me a bit, because I'm fully aware that the rolling and the thrashing are precursors to the crawling and the walking, and I'm am not prepared for Mobile Baby, for godsakes!! I commissioned my brother, the engineer, to think about how the hell we're going to rig up a baby gate for the main floor of our four-level split, cause two sets of stairs +
mobile baby = panicked mama. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated, interwebs!
In other baby-related news, GeekDad and I have finished decorating BabyA's room. About 5 months late, but you know, the whole working until 2 weeks before due date, and then C-section that won't heal quite right, and post-partum anxiety crazies... well, I'm lucky its finished now. Anyway, I'm totally jazzed about her room, and fully acknowledge the fact that apparently we've decided BabyA will be an astronomy geek. Hey, I wasn't going to go decorating my kid's room with My Little Pony or Dora or some such shit. Not a fan of the over-merchandised kiddie crap over here. So we went with a Sky and Space type theme. Notice the moon light on the wall - it cycles through the moon phases, from crescent to full and back again. Also, GeekDad and I put actual constellations in the star patterns. They aren't placed right or anything, but they are there.
And here's the fab-o-luss solar system mobile:
I love this room - I just hope BabyA is just as pleased, once she's old enough to have an opinion.
Coming soon, BabyA's birth story...
11 November 2008
Support the Troops, but not the War? I'm just not sure...
So, today is Remembrance Day in Canada. And since my grandfather served in WWII (as a chaplain), I totally get the importance of honoring the sacrifice of those who have served. GeekDad, Baby A and I didn't attend any of the events today, but spent some time with our extended family.
What I've been thinking about today is, do I support veterens and current military personnel, without supporting the actions they are taking, i.e. the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? The war in Iraq seemed terribly ill-advised from the beginning, and poorly executed in the interim, and I'm glad that president-elect Obama has committed to ending it.
I'm more ambivalent about Afghanistan. As a country, Afghanistan has been a mess for a long time, and hasn't been helped by the interference of the Soviet Union, the United States, or any number of other countries. But I have really been hoping that the NATO troops that are stationed there now are doing some good, bringing some stability and peace to people who haven't seen either of those things for at least thirty years. Reports seem to indicate that things are going downhill and this makes me so sad. But I don't know that the answer is just to pull our troops out. It seems to me that if we have committed to really making things better, we need to be committed for the long haul. Leaving when things get difficult feels, well, irresponsible. I understand that there are larger issues involved. Are we there because Afghanis truly want us, or just because of all the 9/11 fallout? Are we pursuing vengence for 9/11 or promoting security and development in Afganistan? I just don't know. But simply leaving just feels wrong, like we are abandoning a committment we've made to a people who've had more promises broken than any people should. Anyway, all this ambivalence makes me wonder if I should be "celebrating" Remembrance Day. Can I celebrate the committment of troops past, without celebrating those who are currently serving? Or do I support the committment of current troops, without agreeing with their mission? I don't really know.
So instead, I mark the day by spending it with my family, and taking a moment to appreciate the freedom to drive to my in-laws without worrying about getting blown up, and the people like my grandfather who made that possible. Because that is something I can get behind, regardless of my feelings about current conflicts.
What I've been thinking about today is, do I support veterens and current military personnel, without supporting the actions they are taking, i.e. the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? The war in Iraq seemed terribly ill-advised from the beginning, and poorly executed in the interim, and I'm glad that president-elect Obama has committed to ending it.
I'm more ambivalent about Afghanistan. As a country, Afghanistan has been a mess for a long time, and hasn't been helped by the interference of the Soviet Union, the United States, or any number of other countries. But I have really been hoping that the NATO troops that are stationed there now are doing some good, bringing some stability and peace to people who haven't seen either of those things for at least thirty years. Reports seem to indicate that things are going downhill and this makes me so sad. But I don't know that the answer is just to pull our troops out. It seems to me that if we have committed to really making things better, we need to be committed for the long haul. Leaving when things get difficult feels, well, irresponsible. I understand that there are larger issues involved. Are we there because Afghanis truly want us, or just because of all the 9/11 fallout? Are we pursuing vengence for 9/11 or promoting security and development in Afganistan? I just don't know. But simply leaving just feels wrong, like we are abandoning a committment we've made to a people who've had more promises broken than any people should. Anyway, all this ambivalence makes me wonder if I should be "celebrating" Remembrance Day. Can I celebrate the committment of troops past, without celebrating those who are currently serving? Or do I support the committment of current troops, without agreeing with their mission? I don't really know.
So instead, I mark the day by spending it with my family, and taking a moment to appreciate the freedom to drive to my in-laws without worrying about getting blown up, and the people like my grandfather who made that possible. Because that is something I can get behind, regardless of my feelings about current conflicts.
09 November 2008
Lingerie for Toddlers?! WTF??!
The subtle, (and sometimes not-so-subtle) sexualization of young girls is something that has been addressed better writers than I. But all subtlety has been blasted by this latest trend – lingerie for toddlers (!!!!!!) Last week’s issue of Maclean’s (a Canadian newsmagazine), has a story on bras, thongs, and and sexy nightgowns for the pre-pre-teen set. Let’s be clear – these are not dress-up clothes of the type you might find hanging next to the Disney princess dresses, plastic high heels, and fairy wings that you might find in the toy store. We’re talking padding and underwires, and retailers like Old Navy and TJ Maxx are actually marketing these as underwear, an alternative to the cartoon-character, cotton variety that most kids seem to be wearing. As article author Rebecca Eckler writes of her own daughter, for whom she purchased a bra in the name of research, “Thanks to the padding, she looked creepy – like a four-year-old going through puberty with budding breasts.”
Isn’t this just like inviting the creeps to view a little girl sexually?? I know this veers dangerously close to the argument that how a woman dresses can justify raping or otherwise assaulting her, which is just bullshit. But dressing a six-year-old like a sexually mature woman just seems like asking for trouble on so many levels. At the very least, I’m afraid that it forces a certain level of sexual maturity on our daughters that they are completely unequipped to handle.
This kind of thing freaks me the hell out. My own daughter, BabyA is only four months old, so this isn’t something we’ve had to deal with yet. But this kind of thing has me shaking in my boots. I want my daughter to have a chance to be a little girl, to play without worrying about the image she is projecting, to keep some innocence, at least for a little while. I already have a six-year-old niece, who manages to emulate the Bratz dolls in all their hip-thrusting, chin-jutting glory, complete with attitude, and every time I see it, it makes me a little sad. Where is the little girl?
When I was pregnant, I commented to a friend that I thought in some ways it would be much harder to raise a daughter than a son, because there are so many more minefield to try to steer girls through. My friend said that boys have their own set of difficulties to deal with, with the physicality and bullying and stereotypes of masculinity, etc. However, it seems to me that our society isn’t so eager to sexualize boys at such a ridiculously young age. I am wrong about this?? Give a newbie mom a bit of advice – how do you help your daughters deal with this shit??
Isn’t this just like inviting the creeps to view a little girl sexually?? I know this veers dangerously close to the argument that how a woman dresses can justify raping or otherwise assaulting her, which is just bullshit. But dressing a six-year-old like a sexually mature woman just seems like asking for trouble on so many levels. At the very least, I’m afraid that it forces a certain level of sexual maturity on our daughters that they are completely unequipped to handle.
This kind of thing freaks me the hell out. My own daughter, BabyA is only four months old, so this isn’t something we’ve had to deal with yet. But this kind of thing has me shaking in my boots. I want my daughter to have a chance to be a little girl, to play without worrying about the image she is projecting, to keep some innocence, at least for a little while. I already have a six-year-old niece, who manages to emulate the Bratz dolls in all their hip-thrusting, chin-jutting glory, complete with attitude, and every time I see it, it makes me a little sad. Where is the little girl?
When I was pregnant, I commented to a friend that I thought in some ways it would be much harder to raise a daughter than a son, because there are so many more minefield to try to steer girls through. My friend said that boys have their own set of difficulties to deal with, with the physicality and bullying and stereotypes of masculinity, etc. However, it seems to me that our society isn’t so eager to sexualize boys at such a ridiculously young age. I am wrong about this?? Give a newbie mom a bit of advice – how do you help your daughters deal with this shit??
07 November 2008
So, why a blog??
It’s a good question, considering that until this last year, I had never read a blog. Then I got impregnanted by GeekDad, and since I didn’t have many pregnant friends, I went looking online for women talking about motherhood. And what I found was an amazing community of women and men who have created an incredible community around the shared experience of being a parent.
These people have shown me that blogging is about connecting with other people, sharing your vulnerabilities, your joys and sorrows. Most importantly, they made me GREEN WITH ENVY – because they are the really cool kids, not just the popular ones. So, I’m joining the blogosphere – to keep a record of my journey into motherhood, to share my crazies and happy thoughts, and to connect with the people out there, maybe I can encourage someone the way the mommyblogging community has encouraged me.
Ok, enough with the mushies, blogward ho!
These people have shown me that blogging is about connecting with other people, sharing your vulnerabilities, your joys and sorrows. Most importantly, they made me GREEN WITH ENVY – because they are the really cool kids, not just the popular ones. So, I’m joining the blogosphere – to keep a record of my journey into motherhood, to share my crazies and happy thoughts, and to connect with the people out there, maybe I can encourage someone the way the mommyblogging community has encouraged me.
Ok, enough with the mushies, blogward ho!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
