Wow, it's been a horribly long time since I've posted here. In case there is anybody left who still reads this (which I seriously doubt, so we'll just call this a journalling post, for posterity), my blog has been dormant, but is still active. I am hoping to post a little more regularly. I'd like to say I'll post once a week, but realistically, once a month is something I think I can achieve. And now, I'll share the reason for my extended absence: I've gone back to work!!
Going back to work is kind of a big deal for me, because I'm an academic with a Master's degree in political science, which means that there aren't a load of jobs in my field. In fact, here in Grande Prairie, there is exactly one job in my field: teaching at the local college. And while I had a sessional gig there back in the spring of 2008, I really had no reasonable expectations that I might be able to work there again. However, fate or god(dess) or whatever you choose to call serendipity intervened, and voila! I have been working full-time for the last semester, teaching political studies! This really has been a godsend, because teaching is what I love to do. It has been a ridiculous shitload of work, but it's a ridiculous shitload of work that is incredibly rewarding and so, I am very thankful for it.
Because of the whole back-to-work thing, Baby A, my darling-ist girl, has been in daycare since July. And I have to say, I was really kind of worried about daycare. I always kind of assumed, in that foggy-distant-plans sort of way, that I'd stay home with my kids for the first few years. I didn't have any good reasons for this plan, as I've always been somebody who enjoyed working, but the amorphous plan was there nonetheless. However, when the opportunity to teach came my way, I really couldn't say no. It's a major step towards my long-term career goals, and one that is VERY rare for someone with only a Master's degree, as opposed to a Ph.D. Plus, financially, staying home really wasn't an option.
So, in an incredible stroke of luck, Baby A was offered a spot in the College's daycare, and off she went. And I just need to take a second to rave about the daycare and the incredible staff there. I just cannot tell you how amazing it is to feel like your child's caregivers truly, honestly care about her. The ladies there really worked at helping Baby A adjust to being away from me, and made my transition so much smoother for their caring and love. I feel like I had a whole team of people working to help raise her - they helped teach her to walk, to sign, to sing songs (and do the actions - let me tell you, her rendition of The Wheels on the Bus is fab-o-luss!), and so much more. It really has been an incredibly positive experience, for which I will be forever grateful.
This semester, I'm down to part-time, and Baby A is now staying, with my wonderful Seester a couple of days a week, Grandma once a week, and home with me the rest of the time. I'm only in the first week, but all indications are that this is going to go fairly well.
I'm going to leave this post for now, on the promise that I will be back with further updates before the end of January. And pictures. Lots of pictures!
Showing posts with label BabyA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BabyA. Show all posts
07 January 2010
22 June 2009
Turning one, my baby girl...
As warned, dear readers, I've been absent for a shamefully long period of time. But here in Northern Alberta it is our all-too-brief season of sunshine and warmth, and I cannot bring myself to spend precious sunshine-y hours inside when I could be outside, walking or gardening or playing with BabyA or just being. And so.
Yesterday was summer solstice, the year's longest day and my darling girl's 1st birthday. I can remember this weekend last year, the excitement and fear and pain and relief and joy of it all. After leaking amniotic fluid, waiting a day and a half, being induced and labouring for most of the evening, we had a C-section, and shortly after one in the morning, this beautiful vision appeared.
And yesterday, along with our fabulous families and friends, we celebrated her first birthday.
My heart nearly burst with pride as our girl was passed from one set of arms to the next, from grandma to auntie, to all these people who are helping us raise her. And when she started to get overwhelmed, she reached her arms out to her proud papa, something new-ish for her. As her at-home parent for the last year, I've been the go-to comforter, so it was really wonderful to see her seeking out her daddy for that role.
This last year has been... good lord, I'm not even sure how to describe it. When you have a baby, your world focuses down to this incredibly narrow field of view - you and baby, you and baby and daddy, you and baby and daddy and the house, etc. You know everything else is out there, but it doesn't really register. Your body heals and your hormones fluctuate and you adjust to the fact of a monumental shift in your sense of self. And more than anything, you begin to know this new person around whom your world revolves, their habits, what makes them happy or sad or frustrated or joyful. You watch a body unfold and a personality develop.
Our girl, my Baby A, how do I describe her at her first birthday?
She is a sweet, smiley baby, who will get so excited by nothing more than the joy of living that she scrunches up her entire face into a squinty-eyed grin, lifts her shoulders to her ears, and extends her clenched fists in a whole-body expression of pure joy. She has three teeth, two on the bottom and another on top, and a fourth that just cut through the gum yesterday. Dark blonde wisps of hair frame her face, curling around her ears and blowing wild in the slightest breeze.
She refuses to crawl, instead choosing to toddle around the house grasping the fingers of whatever adult will accommodate her, even marching up the stairs on determined feet. If we are sitting, she will grab our hands and walk as far away as our arms will allow, and then hoot loudly as if to say, "Hey, get up, can't you see I'm trying to walk here?" She pulls herself up on her crib bars, or the coffee table, but she is cautious when trying new objects, preferring to stick with the tried and true. She points imperiously at wall hangings or magnets, or at something on the table that I can only guess at (plate? cup? magazine? plant?).
She is moving away from my baby towards my toddler so quickly that it terrifies me. She grows and changes every week, day, hour, minute, second, so that I am afraid to blink for missing some milestone, precious smile, joyous hug. But I am also overjoyed at her progress, her joy in discovering new things. As always, the fear and pain and joy live altogether in my chest. This is, I think, the truest, most defining element of parenthood, the constant presence of all of these emotions.
Happiest of happy first birthdays, my darling girl. I love you more than you can ever know. MWAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Yesterday was summer solstice, the year's longest day and my darling girl's 1st birthday. I can remember this weekend last year, the excitement and fear and pain and relief and joy of it all. After leaking amniotic fluid, waiting a day and a half, being induced and labouring for most of the evening, we had a C-section, and shortly after one in the morning, this beautiful vision appeared.
And yesterday, along with our fabulous families and friends, we celebrated her first birthday.
My heart nearly burst with pride as our girl was passed from one set of arms to the next, from grandma to auntie, to all these people who are helping us raise her. And when she started to get overwhelmed, she reached her arms out to her proud papa, something new-ish for her. As her at-home parent for the last year, I've been the go-to comforter, so it was really wonderful to see her seeking out her daddy for that role.This last year has been... good lord, I'm not even sure how to describe it. When you have a baby, your world focuses down to this incredibly narrow field of view - you and baby, you and baby and daddy, you and baby and daddy and the house, etc. You know everything else is out there, but it doesn't really register. Your body heals and your hormones fluctuate and you adjust to the fact of a monumental shift in your sense of self. And more than anything, you begin to know this new person around whom your world revolves, their habits, what makes them happy or sad or frustrated or joyful. You watch a body unfold and a personality develop.
Our girl, my Baby A, how do I describe her at her first birthday?
She is a sweet, smiley baby, who will get so excited by nothing more than the joy of living that she scrunches up her entire face into a squinty-eyed grin, lifts her shoulders to her ears, and extends her clenched fists in a whole-body expression of pure joy. She has three teeth, two on the bottom and another on top, and a fourth that just cut through the gum yesterday. Dark blonde wisps of hair frame her face, curling around her ears and blowing wild in the slightest breeze.
She refuses to crawl, instead choosing to toddle around the house grasping the fingers of whatever adult will accommodate her, even marching up the stairs on determined feet. If we are sitting, she will grab our hands and walk as far away as our arms will allow, and then hoot loudly as if to say, "Hey, get up, can't you see I'm trying to walk here?" She pulls herself up on her crib bars, or the coffee table, but she is cautious when trying new objects, preferring to stick with the tried and true. She points imperiously at wall hangings or magnets, or at something on the table that I can only guess at (plate? cup? magazine? plant?).
She is moving away from my baby towards my toddler so quickly that it terrifies me. She grows and changes every week, day, hour, minute, second, so that I am afraid to blink for missing some milestone, precious smile, joyous hug. But I am also overjoyed at her progress, her joy in discovering new things. As always, the fear and pain and joy live altogether in my chest. This is, I think, the truest, most defining element of parenthood, the constant presence of all of these emotions.
Happiest of happy first birthdays, my darling girl. I love you more than you can ever know. MWAAAAHHHHH!!!!
21 March 2009
On Being Sick and Parenting. Both of Them Badly
I'm posting again, and it hasn't even been one week. I wanted to point this out, so that no one would look at the date and realize this, and then faint in shock. Just so you know.
In other news, the parental guilt machine has kicked into overdrive. Because you know how I was bitching and moaning about BabyA being so cranky and clingy last time? Turns out that bit of a cough was the only visible/audible symptom of a brutally nasty cold that starts out with a sinus headache that makes your eyes feel as though they are bugging out of your head and your cheekbones are bruised and your head is a melon being pounded by a large rubber mallet. It then progresses to a body-wracking chest cough which makes you whole body ache and wakes you up in the night just to remind you that yes, you are still sick. In case you forgot while you were sleeping.
And how do I know this, you might ask? Why, because I am also sick now, of course! So while two sickly people in a house is worse than one, at least I'm no longer being a BAD, UNSYMPATHETIC parent, because I know exactly what BabyA is going through. And it sucks, just in case we weren't clear on that already.
In other news, I would like to state how sick I am (mentally this time) ofwhinter winter. Wait, is 'whinter' a combination of 'whine' and 'winter'? Because if so, that is exactly it! New word - whinter! I'm often sick of winter by this point in the year, but this year I think it is even worse. This may be because of the new, earlier daylight savings switch. Usually by the time it is light out until 8 pm the snow is mostly gone and some green grass may be peeking around the edges of buildings and fences. But with the new system, it is light at 8pm AND THERE IS TWO FEET OF SNOW ON THE GROUND. Two feet, people. This is seriously enough to make me want to move anywhere south or west of here. Preferably Vancouver or San Diego or L.A. or Texas. Anywhere there is NOT two feet of snow and MORE COMING DOWN RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!!! Seriously, God, this is not cool anymore. It's just not.
So, anything else I can grouch about? Probably, yes, but instead I will be happy because my mother-in-law is now officially finished working at her old job, and is back to being available for visiting and babysiting on an occasional basis. She's been crazy busy the last couple months, and I've missed her visits. We're working on getting her reacquainted with BabyA to facilitate some babysitting at some point. So, not everything is dark and dire. I just have to remember that. Someday the snow will melt and my yard will be ready for gardening and the colour green will actually exist again. Someday....
In other news, the parental guilt machine has kicked into overdrive. Because you know how I was bitching and moaning about BabyA being so cranky and clingy last time? Turns out that bit of a cough was the only visible/audible symptom of a brutally nasty cold that starts out with a sinus headache that makes your eyes feel as though they are bugging out of your head and your cheekbones are bruised and your head is a melon being pounded by a large rubber mallet. It then progresses to a body-wracking chest cough which makes you whole body ache and wakes you up in the night just to remind you that yes, you are still sick. In case you forgot while you were sleeping.
And how do I know this, you might ask? Why, because I am also sick now, of course! So while two sickly people in a house is worse than one, at least I'm no longer being a BAD, UNSYMPATHETIC parent, because I know exactly what BabyA is going through. And it sucks, just in case we weren't clear on that already.
In other news, I would like to state how sick I am (mentally this time) of
So, anything else I can grouch about? Probably, yes, but instead I will be happy because my mother-in-law is now officially finished working at her old job, and is back to being available for visiting and babysiting on an occasional basis. She's been crazy busy the last couple months, and I've missed her visits. We're working on getting her reacquainted with BabyA to facilitate some babysitting at some point. So, not everything is dark and dire. I just have to remember that. Someday the snow will melt and my yard will be ready for gardening and the colour green will actually exist again. Someday....
09 March 2009
The last tiny shard of patience winks out of existence...
It's officially been two weeks since I've posted anything here, which is disgraceful, I know. These last weeks have been that brand of busy that is peculiar to having a small child, wherein one is simultaneously busy caring for and entertaining one's child and mentally bored out of one's skull. I can only stack a pile of blocks just to watch them be knocked down so many times.
Seester and the three munchkins spent a couple of days with us last week, as the school-age kids were not in school due to Teachers' Conference. I have to say that I am utterly amazed at how quickly a 2 year old and a 5 year old can trash an entire house. BabyA isn't mobile yet, so we have a basket of toys on each level of the house, and those toys tend to stay in the general vicinity of the basket, unless she carries one of them upstairs on the way to a diaper change. But my two little neices managed to completely and utterly destroy that system during their visit, let me tell you. It really is a good thing that we give birth to infants, because if they came out as a toddler, I suspect no one would ever have more than one child.
This week has been the week from hell, really. I believe Baby A is teething, although as yet I have no evidence of such. She is generally cranky and whiny, and moves from being ecstatically happy to monumentally cranky in seconds, and it is driving me nuts. Also, in the past couple of months we had reached a state where I could alternate between playing with BabyA and doing a little housework, getting dinner ready, maybe being online a little. That, my friend, has been thrown out the window. It is now all BabyA, all the time. When I'm not holding her, she is whining to be held, and when I am holding her, she is squirming and whining for a reason which I cannot fathom. As I've already said, I suspect the culprit is teething and the general discomfort that accompanies this process, although she's also developed a bit of a cough in the last couple bdays which may be contributing to the crankiness. And on top of that, BabyA seems to have decided that nobody will do except me. No Daddy, no Nana, just mommy, non-stop. Aaarrgghh!!
Whatever it is, I am going crazy in tiny little guilt ridden segments. As of yesterday I officially lost my patience on the umpteenth time BabyA whined to be picked up, only to whine, arch her back, and squirm out of my arms, and I yelled. At my baby. I yelled, and then saw her eyes go all wide in surprise, and I tried to turn it into a hey look at mommy having fun and making noise,
and she totally seemed fine. But I knew I yelled at her, and that wide-eyed look nearly broke my heart. No matter how frustrated I get, I do not want to yell at my baby. I know this may have been the first time, and probably won't be the last, when I feel like the last tiny shard of patience and sanity I am clinging to disappears out from under me, but I really don't want to be a yeller.
So today, I woke up and decided that I had no expectations for the day. I wasn't going to try to clean, or tidy, or cook, or whatever. I was just going to be there for my baby. And you know what? Today was better. I don't know that BabyA was feeling better, but I just tried to let go of doing other stuff. When she fussed, I picked her up. When she squirmed, I found something new for her to focus onI'm not sure that she was less fussy, but things seemed to go more smoothly. No yelling, no pulling my hair out. I know this won't always work, but I had to remind myself that at least for now, I'm still on mat leave, and it is my job right now to take care of BabyA. The rest of it? All secondary. I will have other crazy crying weepy days, but for now I need to focus on my dearest girl, and hang on to every second before it slips away.
Seester and the three munchkins spent a couple of days with us last week, as the school-age kids were not in school due to Teachers' Conference. I have to say that I am utterly amazed at how quickly a 2 year old and a 5 year old can trash an entire house. BabyA isn't mobile yet, so we have a basket of toys on each level of the house, and those toys tend to stay in the general vicinity of the basket, unless she carries one of them upstairs on the way to a diaper change. But my two little neices managed to completely and utterly destroy that system during their visit, let me tell you. It really is a good thing that we give birth to infants, because if they came out as a toddler, I suspect no one would ever have more than one child.
This week has been the week from hell, really. I believe Baby A is teething, although as yet I have no evidence of such. She is generally cranky and whiny, and moves from being ecstatically happy to monumentally cranky in seconds, and it is driving me nuts. Also, in the past couple of months we had reached a state where I could alternate between playing with BabyA and doing a little housework, getting dinner ready, maybe being online a little. That, my friend, has been thrown out the window. It is now all BabyA, all the time. When I'm not holding her, she is whining to be held, and when I am holding her, she is squirming and whining for a reason which I cannot fathom. As I've already said, I suspect the culprit is teething and the general discomfort that accompanies this process, although she's also developed a bit of a cough in the last couple bdays which may be contributing to the crankiness. And on top of that, BabyA seems to have decided that nobody will do except me. No Daddy, no Nana, just mommy, non-stop. Aaarrgghh!!
Whatever it is, I am going crazy in tiny little guilt ridden segments. As of yesterday I officially lost my patience on the umpteenth time BabyA whined to be picked up, only to whine, arch her back, and squirm out of my arms, and I yelled. At my baby. I yelled, and then saw her eyes go all wide in surprise, and I tried to turn it into a hey look at mommy having fun and making noise,
and she totally seemed fine. But I knew I yelled at her, and that wide-eyed look nearly broke my heart. No matter how frustrated I get, I do not want to yell at my baby. I know this may have been the first time, and probably won't be the last, when I feel like the last tiny shard of patience and sanity I am clinging to disappears out from under me, but I really don't want to be a yeller.
So today, I woke up and decided that I had no expectations for the day. I wasn't going to try to clean, or tidy, or cook, or whatever. I was just going to be there for my baby. And you know what? Today was better. I don't know that BabyA was feeling better, but I just tried to let go of doing other stuff. When she fussed, I picked her up. When she squirmed, I found something new for her to focus onI'm not sure that she was less fussy, but things seemed to go more smoothly. No yelling, no pulling my hair out. I know this won't always work, but I had to remind myself that at least for now, I'm still on mat leave, and it is my job right now to take care of BabyA. The rest of it? All secondary. I will have other crazy crying weepy days, but for now I need to focus on my dearest girl, and hang on to every second before it slips away.
04 March 2009
To Sum Up, Conflicted.
Today has been a long day. Not in any particularly bad day - BabyA is not sick or anything, and neither am I. It was just a long day of meeting the demands of an 8 moth old baby, and kind of being stuck in the house. And when GeekDad got home, he was exhausted, so I got to mind BabyA most of the evening as well. Which kind of sucked.
Don't get me wrong. I adore my girl in ways I cannot express in words. I could rhapsodize about her for days on end. But some days all I want is to be able to do something I want to do without being at the beck and call of my little one. Without having to be the one to feed her and entertain her and teach her and change her. Because even when GeekDad is minding her, I'm still the go-to girl for the unexplained wailing and flailing, and especially, for the boobie juice. And once in a while, just for a little bit, I wish for the untetheredness I used to have.
Days like today I feel very conflicted. Because generally I love being at home with my girl. There is nothing like having a little one erupt in gales of laughter simply because you waggled your eyebrows at them. Or watching her bounce up and down just because I stopped loading the dishwasher to look at her. It really is fabulous.
But on days like today I realize that I look forward to working again. To be teaching, and researching, and helping people, and being an adult in an adult world. I struggle with this, wondering if working at a regular job will make me a better mom, or a worse one. Will I be the mom who comes home rejuvenated from doing something I like, to be enjoy her baby all the more for having been away, or the one who is exhausted from trying to juggle more things than she is capable of and end up doing all of it poorly? I know the answer is likely somewhere in between, and will likely depend on the day. But knowing that in my head does nothing to relieve the conflicted, jittery emotions. Blah.
So, to sum up, today I'm feeling whiny and conflicted. Sorry I've subjected you all to this little rant. Just had to put it out there.
In other, less whiny news.....
I got the damned breadmaker to work for me, instead of against me. Finally. I ended up googling breadmaker problems, and found this website, which suggested less water and more salt, among other fabulous tips. And you know what? It worked!! I have an actual domed-top loaf, if slightly smallish, loaf of honey whole wheat bread. Yay!!!
Also in less whiny news, there is this. For which I am eternally and unequivocally grateful.
Don't get me wrong. I adore my girl in ways I cannot express in words. I could rhapsodize about her for days on end. But some days all I want is to be able to do something I want to do without being at the beck and call of my little one. Without having to be the one to feed her and entertain her and teach her and change her. Because even when GeekDad is minding her, I'm still the go-to girl for the unexplained wailing and flailing, and especially, for the boobie juice. And once in a while, just for a little bit, I wish for the untetheredness I used to have.
Days like today I feel very conflicted. Because generally I love being at home with my girl. There is nothing like having a little one erupt in gales of laughter simply because you waggled your eyebrows at them. Or watching her bounce up and down just because I stopped loading the dishwasher to look at her. It really is fabulous.
But on days like today I realize that I look forward to working again. To be teaching, and researching, and helping people, and being an adult in an adult world. I struggle with this, wondering if working at a regular job will make me a better mom, or a worse one. Will I be the mom who comes home rejuvenated from doing something I like, to be enjoy her baby all the more for having been away, or the one who is exhausted from trying to juggle more things than she is capable of and end up doing all of it poorly? I know the answer is likely somewhere in between, and will likely depend on the day. But knowing that in my head does nothing to relieve the conflicted, jittery emotions. Blah.
So, to sum up, today I'm feeling whiny and conflicted. Sorry I've subjected you all to this little rant. Just had to put it out there.
In other, less whiny news.....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(please imagine angelic singing here).
(please imagine angelic singing here).
I got the damned breadmaker to work for me, instead of against me. Finally. I ended up googling breadmaker problems, and found this website, which suggested less water and more salt, among other fabulous tips. And you know what? It worked!! I have an actual domed-top loaf, if slightly smallish, loaf of honey whole wheat bread. Yay!!!
Also in less whiny news, there is this. For which I am eternally and unequivocally grateful.
27 February 2009
(Mis)Adventures in Baking Bread, also known as that ^#%#@@!!! Breadmaker.
It has been a bit of a rough week around Casa de la Maison. BabyA has been sick with a cold, and not surprisingly, cranky as all get out. The good news is that she seems to be past the worst of it. There was much less snot and crankiness today, and she seems to be able to nurse again, thank GAWD. I seriously cannot say how thankful I am for a healthy baby.
In other news, my *&(*&%&^$$%^&#$!!!!!!!!!!! breadmaker. My mom purchased us a breadmaker last weekend, and I've have yet to get a normal loaf out of the damn thing. I wish I had taken pictures of each loaf as I went, but that didn't occur to me until it was too late, so this picture of my most recent loaf will have toscar your psyche stimulate your imaginations.
Note the caldera-like crater in the top of the loaf. This is due, I believe, to an overabundance of yeast in the recipe, which causes the bread to over-rise. And by over-rise, I mean rise so much that it pushes up the lid of the breadmaker like a whole-wheat balloon, punctures the loaf, and then collapses back in on itself, all while leaving a rim of bread flopping over the top of the pan which subsequently burns and leaves the top of the loaf a doughy, under-cooked mess. GRRRRRAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!
Seriously, I wish I could show you pictures of the first loaf of lovely Cracked Wheat Sandwich Loaf pushing up the lid of the breadmaker and leaking halfway down the sides of the f)(*(&%^$^%%^(^'n machine. (I think a picture of the look on my face when I came downstairs and discovered this state of affairs might afford you a few laughs, but I didn't get one of those either). This was the loaf where I used 1 1/2 x the called-for amount of yeast, on the advice of my mother, who said we live at a higher altitude, and therefore I would likely need more yeast, and her boss had baked a perfect loaf by doubling the amount of yeast called for. So I chalked that one up to too much yeast.
One the second loaf, I followed the recipe perfectly. And the result? Almost exactly the same as the first. Exploding dough? Check. Burnt crust? Check. Undercooked top? Check. Grrrarrrggg? Check.
For my third loaf, I used a whole wheat recipe from the internet, instead of from the instruction booklet. It was a smaller recipe, and used considerably less yeast, so I figured at most I'd have a too-small loaf. But no, I got ANOTHER perfect caldera-loaf.
Try number four was a white-bread loaf from the instruction booklet again. I figured maybe it was the flour I was using or something. I got a very pretty loaf of bread, tasty, nicely browned, AND AS DENSE AND HEAVY AS A GAWDDAMNED POUND CAKE. Seriously.
I know this picture looks all pretty, but my friend T actually gasped when I handed him a piece. It's ridiculous.
So this picture? Is try number five. This time again with the Cracked Wheat recipe from the instruction booklet, but with 1 3/4 tsp. yeast instead of the called-for 4 tsps. I'm talking less than HALF the amount the recipe says. But, as you can see, I've once again achieved a beautifully crusted, heavy as hell, caldera loaf. I think perhaps I purchased some kind of mutant over-achiever yeast or something, which is actually depressing, because by the time I've figured out this recipe, I will be out of yeast and may be right back at the beginning. I'm already running out of flour, powdered milk, and cracked wheat. Seriously.
I'm going to try this recipe one more time, this time with 1 1/2 tsps. of yeast, because I know that the dough only overexpanded close to the end of the cycle this time. I checked it with about 15 minutes left, and the dough was near the top but not touching it. So here goes. If I get a good loaf, I'll jump up and down for joy, have a celebratory drink, Twitter about it to all my followers, and blog about it asap. Come to think of it, I'll probably do the same if it fails again too. Ah, whatever. C'est la vie, or le pain, as the case may be.
In other news, my *&(*&%&^$$%^&#$!!!!!!!!!!! breadmaker. My mom purchased us a breadmaker last weekend, and I've have yet to get a normal loaf out of the damn thing. I wish I had taken pictures of each loaf as I went, but that didn't occur to me until it was too late, so this picture of my most recent loaf will have to
Note the caldera-like crater in the top of the loaf. This is due, I believe, to an overabundance of yeast in the recipe, which causes the bread to over-rise. And by over-rise, I mean rise so much that it pushes up the lid of the breadmaker like a whole-wheat balloon, punctures the loaf, and then collapses back in on itself, all while leaving a rim of bread flopping over the top of the pan which subsequently burns and leaves the top of the loaf a doughy, under-cooked mess. GRRRRRAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!
Seriously, I wish I could show you pictures of the first loaf of lovely Cracked Wheat Sandwich Loaf pushing up the lid of the breadmaker and leaking halfway down the sides of the f)(*(&%^$^%%^(^'n machine. (I think a picture of the look on my face when I came downstairs and discovered this state of affairs might afford you a few laughs, but I didn't get one of those either). This was the loaf where I used 1 1/2 x the called-for amount of yeast, on the advice of my mother, who said we live at a higher altitude, and therefore I would likely need more yeast, and her boss had baked a perfect loaf by doubling the amount of yeast called for. So I chalked that one up to too much yeast.
One the second loaf, I followed the recipe perfectly. And the result? Almost exactly the same as the first. Exploding dough? Check. Burnt crust? Check. Undercooked top? Check. Grrrarrrggg? Check.
For my third loaf, I used a whole wheat recipe from the internet, instead of from the instruction booklet. It was a smaller recipe, and used considerably less yeast, so I figured at most I'd have a too-small loaf. But no, I got ANOTHER perfect caldera-loaf.
Try number four was a white-bread loaf from the instruction booklet again. I figured maybe it was the flour I was using or something. I got a very pretty loaf of bread, tasty, nicely browned, AND AS DENSE AND HEAVY AS A GAWDDAMNED POUND CAKE. Seriously.
I know this picture looks all pretty, but my friend T actually gasped when I handed him a piece. It's ridiculous.
So this picture? Is try number five. This time again with the Cracked Wheat recipe from the instruction booklet, but with 1 3/4 tsp. yeast instead of the called-for 4 tsps. I'm talking less than HALF the amount the recipe says. But, as you can see, I've once again achieved a beautifully crusted, heavy as hell, caldera loaf. I think perhaps I purchased some kind of mutant over-achiever yeast or something, which is actually depressing, because by the time I've figured out this recipe, I will be out of yeast and may be right back at the beginning. I'm already running out of flour, powdered milk, and cracked wheat. Seriously.
I'm going to try this recipe one more time, this time with 1 1/2 tsps. of yeast, because I know that the dough only overexpanded close to the end of the cycle this time. I checked it with about 15 minutes left, and the dough was near the top but not touching it. So here goes. If I get a good loaf, I'll jump up and down for joy, have a celebratory drink, Twitter about it to all my followers, and blog about it asap. Come to think of it, I'll probably do the same if it fails again too. Ah, whatever. C'est la vie, or le pain, as the case may be.
22 February 2009
Not the soundtrack of the Oscars, but the Oscars as soundtrack.
You would think after 8 months with BabyA that I would've learned that one cannot pay close attention to Television Events and parent. Generally these days, I tend to catch bits and pieces of shows, but rarely an entire coherent narrative. So what in the hay-ell, you might ask, possessed me to think that I could watch the Oscars? While caring for sick baby, and making supper, and unpacking a new breadmaker, with the intention of making bread? That, my friends, is a most question.
Here's the thing - I love, love, love watching the Oscars. If I knew enough other people in this town who also loved the Oscars, I would host a party with those tiny little hors d'oeuvres and lots of alcohol and an Oscar pool. I would even host movie nights before the Oscars, just so we could all see the movies that have been nominated. I'm not sure why I love them so much, because I haven't usually seen all, or even most of the nominated movies. I usually end up just cheering for whatever I've seen. But I get a crazy kick of watching people dress up in ridiculously expensive and beautiful outfits and celebrate the wackiness that is Hollywood.
This year, I got to spend the evening with GeekDad who patiently sat through hours of boring entertainment stuff', and even gave me updates of what was happening while I unpacked groceries and made dinner.
"OK, now it's the best soundtrack. OK,. there's two songs from Slumdog, and one from Wall-E. OK, the one from Slumdog won."
All this while entertaining a slightly manic and sickly baby. The man is a gem, I tell you
I really didn't get to watch much of the Oscar broadcast at all - it was more like the they were soundtrack for my evening of doing other stuff. My overall impressions were lots of Hugh Jackman (which is NEVER a bad thing) and musicals (which is slightly more questionable). I think that the Oscar producers were/are trying to get back to an old-school dramatic feel, as opposed to the kind of cynical, self-reflexive comedy that they've gone with in recent years. Unfortunately, I didn't actually see enough of the broadcast to tell you whether or not it was successful. I came in about the time that Kunio Kato ended his acceptance speech for best animated short with "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto," and you know, I think that may have been the high point of the evening. By the time the big awards were on, BabyA had reached her limit, and we were off prepping her for bed.
Which brings me to what was the defining not for my weekend. BabyA's cold has reached that point where she is too stuffed up to breastfeed, and despite our best efforts at nasal hydration and homeopathic remedies, any attempts at feeding result in frustration on both our parts. I find it heart breaking, because I know she feels shitty, and I want nothing more than to comfort her, but everytime I try to cuddle her, she seems to become frustrated that I can't giver her what she wants. GeekDad actually rocked her to sleep for the first time tonight, which I'm ever so grateful for. I just wish it were under less stressful circumstances. All I can say is that I this had better not be a result of teething, because DAMN. This sick baby stuff is rough on all of us.
Here's the thing - I love, love, love watching the Oscars. If I knew enough other people in this town who also loved the Oscars, I would host a party with those tiny little hors d'oeuvres and lots of alcohol and an Oscar pool. I would even host movie nights before the Oscars, just so we could all see the movies that have been nominated. I'm not sure why I love them so much, because I haven't usually seen all, or even most of the nominated movies. I usually end up just cheering for whatever I've seen. But I get a crazy kick of watching people dress up in ridiculously expensive and beautiful outfits and celebrate the wackiness that is Hollywood.
This year, I got to spend the evening with GeekDad who patiently sat through hours of boring entertainment stuff', and even gave me updates of what was happening while I unpacked groceries and made dinner.
"OK, now it's the best soundtrack. OK,. there's two songs from Slumdog, and one from Wall-E. OK, the one from Slumdog won."
All this while entertaining a slightly manic and sickly baby. The man is a gem, I tell you
I really didn't get to watch much of the Oscar broadcast at all - it was more like the they were soundtrack for my evening of doing other stuff. My overall impressions were lots of Hugh Jackman (which is NEVER a bad thing) and musicals (which is slightly more questionable). I think that the Oscar producers were/are trying to get back to an old-school dramatic feel, as opposed to the kind of cynical, self-reflexive comedy that they've gone with in recent years. Unfortunately, I didn't actually see enough of the broadcast to tell you whether or not it was successful. I came in about the time that Kunio Kato ended his acceptance speech for best animated short with "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto," and you know, I think that may have been the high point of the evening. By the time the big awards were on, BabyA had reached her limit, and we were off prepping her for bed.
Which brings me to what was the defining not for my weekend. BabyA's cold has reached that point where she is too stuffed up to breastfeed, and despite our best efforts at nasal hydration and homeopathic remedies, any attempts at feeding result in frustration on both our parts. I find it heart breaking, because I know she feels shitty, and I want nothing more than to comfort her, but everytime I try to cuddle her, she seems to become frustrated that I can't giver her what she wants. GeekDad actually rocked her to sleep for the first time tonight, which I'm ever so grateful for. I just wish it were under less stressful circumstances. All I can say is that I this had better not be a result of teething, because DAMN. This sick baby stuff is rough on all of us.
20 February 2009
How We Got to Here
So BabyA has contracted her first cold, and in addition to the endlessly runny nose and general clinginess, the worst symptom seems to be an inability to sleep at night. She'll go down for anywhere from 20 min to an hour, but then she's up and crying and snuffling and generally feeling miserable. Which leaves me feeling cranky and tired. This is, however, much better than the nasty flu which my nephew and neices have picked up. My youngest neice is two, and has had to visit the emergency room for an rehydration IV since she can't keep anything at all her stomach. I'm hoping BabyA hasn't picked this up, as we've been visiting with Seester and Junebug a fair bit. Fingers crossed.
On to other posting material. I've seen this relationship meme in various incarnations on Facebook and a number of websites, but I'm lifting this one from All & Sundry (Check her out - she rocks!!). I think it's kind of interesting, but I think it will be more interesting to revisit it a few years and see if any of my answers have changed.
What are your middle names?
Mine is Leah, his is Charles (same as his grandpa’s middle name).
How long have you been together?
8 1/2 years since we started dating, and a year and a half since we were married.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met in May of 2000, and started dating in July.
Who asked whom out?
He asked me out, the cheeky kid (he was 18 when we started dating). I was kind of taken aback with how forward he was, but also flattered.
How old are each of you?
He is 27, and I’m 33. I know, I know, but seriously, he was the one chasing me!
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Right now we probably see my Seester and her family the most. My brother lives in Calgary, about 8 hours from us, so we don’t see them as much as I’d like. GeekDad is an only child, but he has a step-siblings, who we see fairly regularly, as they live in GP like us. And his step-sister and her family have just moved here from Atlanta, so I’m really looking forward to meeting them.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The period right after I had BabyA was pretty rough, what with me having a C-section, and GeekDad having mysterious chest pains, and neither of us having much in the way of sleep. Things have greatly improved since then, though.
Did you go to the same school?
The only school we’ve both attended is Grande Prairie Regional College. He did his business program there, and I did the first two years of my Bachelor’s degree there.
Are you from the same home town?
GeekDad was born and raised in Grande Prairie. I’ve lived all over Alberta, but insofar as I have a hometown, it would probably be GP. Both my parents live here, my grandparents lived here, and all of my family have lived here for a significant length of time.
Who is smarter?
I’ve got the academic credentials, but I don’t really think I’m any smarter than GeekDad. There isn’t anything I’ve studied that I can’t discuss and debate with him at home.
Who is the most sensitive?
Again, I’m not sure that one of us is more sensitive than the other. I definitely would say I’m the more tempermental one, and that this was magnified exponentially during my pregnancy. My hormones were all over the place, and I’d go from ecstatic to tearful to furious in literally about 3 seconds flat. We called them my MDK (Murder-Death-Kill) moments. It totally drove me crazy to be so out of control with my emotions, but GeekDad was incredibly patient and understanding. He’d just let me have my crying or yelling fit, wait for me to figure out I was acting nuts, and comfort me when I apologized through my tears. I really couldn’t have asked for a more understanding guy.
Where do you eat out most as a couple??
Eat out as a couple??!! BWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!! Seriously, we have an 8 month old baby. We went out for our first meal as a couple since we had BabyA for Valentines, and it was to the Keg. I think it could have been KFC and it would have been wonderful.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Vancouver, for our honeymoon. We’ve both been to New York since we’ve been together, but not as a couple. I went for work, and he went for school. We’d like to go together and visit Cindy and Junior and Sebastian, friends who live there.
Who has the craziest exes?
Neither of us, thank god.
Who has the worst temper?
Again, probably me, although in my defense I tend to get mad, yell, and the apologize for yelling and proceed to discussing whatever it is that is bothering me as a sane person.
Who does the cooking?
GeekDad can cook breakfast (bacon & eggs) and make decent sandwiches, but I’m the one who does the actually preparation of meals. The bonus here is that I love cooking. It’s a little bit of an escape for my brain, and there is nothing better than watching someone taste something you’ve cooked and see a look of delight spread across their face.
Who is the neat-freak?
That would definitely be GeekDad. He is the tidy one, the organizer, and I am of the whatever, leave-it-where-it-lies school. However, GeekDad’s neatness doesn’t necessarily translate into him cleaning up after me. Sigh.
Who is more stubborn?
I don’t really think either of us is that stubborn. We’re pretty good at discussing and compromising. However, I admit that once in a while I will get a bee in my bonnet about something, and be a general pain in the ass about it.
Who hogs the bed??
That would be BabyA. Before her, it was our cats. I guess we need to take ownership of our bed back.
Who wakes up earlier?
GeekDad, but mostly just because his work hours have started ealier than mine. On weekends, I’m usually up first. Not early, but first.
Where was your first date??
You know, neither of us can remember. When we got together, I were living 5 hours apart. The first weekend we got together we spent with our friends, and after that it wasn’t so much a date as spending whatever weekends we could together.
Who is more jealous?
I don’t think either of us is jealous. We certainly haven’t had any incidences where jealousy was an issue.
How long did it take to get serious?
Not very long at all. We started dating in July, and moved in together unofficially by December. This was due in large part to my moving back to GP when my father had a nervous breakdown. Not only did GeekDad stick around through that, but he was an incredible support to me and my family. After our relationship survived all of that crap, I knew we could make it really work.
Who eats more?
GeekDad probably eats more at meals, and I tend to be a snacker. Especially late at night. It’s a bad habit, and one that I am working on changing.
Who does the laundry?
Mostly me. I was going to say that this is because I don’t trust GeekDad to do my delicate stuff, but that isn’t really true. GeekDad tends to pull the “I don’t know what I’m doing. Isn’t it easier to just do it yourself?” card here, which is just malarky and he knows it. While I’m at home with BabyA, I’ve taken ownership of the household chores to a greater degree, but I think once I get back to work, we’re going to have to have a chat about this.
Who’s better with the computer?
I spend more time on the computer, and definitely more on the web. I have computer control issues, and watching other people computing drives me crazy. The itch to just do it myself is overwhelming. I think this comes from the same place as my impluse to finish other people’s sentances for them. I know it’s a bad habit, but I seem to have very little control over it. That said, GeekDad is definitely better with design and photoshop programs.
Who drives when you are together?
Normally that would be me – again with the control issues. GeekDad says I get too critical of what he’s doing, and it’s less stressful if I just drive. I am learning to change this, however, because with BabyA’s carseat, we have to move the passenger seat forward in our car, and GeekDad doesn’t fit (he’s 6’4”). And he’s probably the better driver anyway, just less assertive than I would like at times.
On to other posting material. I've seen this relationship meme in various incarnations on Facebook and a number of websites, but I'm lifting this one from All & Sundry (Check her out - she rocks!!). I think it's kind of interesting, but I think it will be more interesting to revisit it a few years and see if any of my answers have changed.
What are your middle names?
Mine is Leah, his is Charles (same as his grandpa’s middle name).
How long have you been together?
8 1/2 years since we started dating, and a year and a half since we were married.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met in May of 2000, and started dating in July.
Who asked whom out?
He asked me out, the cheeky kid (he was 18 when we started dating). I was kind of taken aback with how forward he was, but also flattered.
How old are each of you?
He is 27, and I’m 33. I know, I know, but seriously, he was the one chasing me!
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Right now we probably see my Seester and her family the most. My brother lives in Calgary, about 8 hours from us, so we don’t see them as much as I’d like. GeekDad is an only child, but he has a step-siblings, who we see fairly regularly, as they live in GP like us. And his step-sister and her family have just moved here from Atlanta, so I’m really looking forward to meeting them.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The period right after I had BabyA was pretty rough, what with me having a C-section, and GeekDad having mysterious chest pains, and neither of us having much in the way of sleep. Things have greatly improved since then, though.
Did you go to the same school?
The only school we’ve both attended is Grande Prairie Regional College. He did his business program there, and I did the first two years of my Bachelor’s degree there.
Are you from the same home town?
GeekDad was born and raised in Grande Prairie. I’ve lived all over Alberta, but insofar as I have a hometown, it would probably be GP. Both my parents live here, my grandparents lived here, and all of my family have lived here for a significant length of time.
Who is smarter?
I’ve got the academic credentials, but I don’t really think I’m any smarter than GeekDad. There isn’t anything I’ve studied that I can’t discuss and debate with him at home.
Who is the most sensitive?
Again, I’m not sure that one of us is more sensitive than the other. I definitely would say I’m the more tempermental one, and that this was magnified exponentially during my pregnancy. My hormones were all over the place, and I’d go from ecstatic to tearful to furious in literally about 3 seconds flat. We called them my MDK (Murder-Death-Kill) moments. It totally drove me crazy to be so out of control with my emotions, but GeekDad was incredibly patient and understanding. He’d just let me have my crying or yelling fit, wait for me to figure out I was acting nuts, and comfort me when I apologized through my tears. I really couldn’t have asked for a more understanding guy.
Where do you eat out most as a couple??
Eat out as a couple??!! BWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!! Seriously, we have an 8 month old baby. We went out for our first meal as a couple since we had BabyA for Valentines, and it was to the Keg. I think it could have been KFC and it would have been wonderful.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Vancouver, for our honeymoon. We’ve both been to New York since we’ve been together, but not as a couple. I went for work, and he went for school. We’d like to go together and visit Cindy and Junior and Sebastian, friends who live there.
Who has the craziest exes?
Neither of us, thank god.
Who has the worst temper?
Again, probably me, although in my defense I tend to get mad, yell, and the apologize for yelling and proceed to discussing whatever it is that is bothering me as a sane person.
Who does the cooking?
GeekDad can cook breakfast (bacon & eggs) and make decent sandwiches, but I’m the one who does the actually preparation of meals. The bonus here is that I love cooking. It’s a little bit of an escape for my brain, and there is nothing better than watching someone taste something you’ve cooked and see a look of delight spread across their face.
Who is the neat-freak?
That would definitely be GeekDad. He is the tidy one, the organizer, and I am of the whatever, leave-it-where-it-lies school. However, GeekDad’s neatness doesn’t necessarily translate into him cleaning up after me. Sigh.
Who is more stubborn?
I don’t really think either of us is that stubborn. We’re pretty good at discussing and compromising. However, I admit that once in a while I will get a bee in my bonnet about something, and be a general pain in the ass about it.
Who hogs the bed??
That would be BabyA. Before her, it was our cats. I guess we need to take ownership of our bed back.
Who wakes up earlier?
GeekDad, but mostly just because his work hours have started ealier than mine. On weekends, I’m usually up first. Not early, but first.
Where was your first date??
You know, neither of us can remember. When we got together, I were living 5 hours apart. The first weekend we got together we spent with our friends, and after that it wasn’t so much a date as spending whatever weekends we could together.
Who is more jealous?
I don’t think either of us is jealous. We certainly haven’t had any incidences where jealousy was an issue.
How long did it take to get serious?
Not very long at all. We started dating in July, and moved in together unofficially by December. This was due in large part to my moving back to GP when my father had a nervous breakdown. Not only did GeekDad stick around through that, but he was an incredible support to me and my family. After our relationship survived all of that crap, I knew we could make it really work.
Who eats more?
GeekDad probably eats more at meals, and I tend to be a snacker. Especially late at night. It’s a bad habit, and one that I am working on changing.
Who does the laundry?
Mostly me. I was going to say that this is because I don’t trust GeekDad to do my delicate stuff, but that isn’t really true. GeekDad tends to pull the “I don’t know what I’m doing. Isn’t it easier to just do it yourself?” card here, which is just malarky and he knows it. While I’m at home with BabyA, I’ve taken ownership of the household chores to a greater degree, but I think once I get back to work, we’re going to have to have a chat about this.
Who’s better with the computer?
I spend more time on the computer, and definitely more on the web. I have computer control issues, and watching other people computing drives me crazy. The itch to just do it myself is overwhelming. I think this comes from the same place as my impluse to finish other people’s sentances for them. I know it’s a bad habit, but I seem to have very little control over it. That said, GeekDad is definitely better with design and photoshop programs.
Who drives when you are together?
Normally that would be me – again with the control issues. GeekDad says I get too critical of what he’s doing, and it’s less stressful if I just drive. I am learning to change this, however, because with BabyA’s carseat, we have to move the passenger seat forward in our car, and GeekDad doesn’t fit (he’s 6’4”). And he’s probably the better driver anyway, just less assertive than I would like at times.
12 February 2009
If I could freeze a moment in amber, this would be it.
Today's post is short, because things have been a little crazy around here again. But I just had to get this down somewhere. This morning, I babysat my youngest niece, LittleJ. It was fun - we made a hat out of Christmas ribbons, leftover scrapbooking stuff, and a paper plate. LittleJ kept BabyA endlessly amused simply by being herself, and we had great fun. After Seester picked up her daughter and left, BabyA and I laid down for a nap. And then Cat#1 decided he wanted under the covers, which he hardly ever does. And Cat#2 curled up at my feet. So I was lying in my bed with a baby snuggled into my chest, a cat snuggled into her feet, and a cat snuggled into mine. It was warm furry bliss. And if that doesn't qualify as a Grace in Small Things moment, I'm not sure what possibly could.
01 February 2009
My Weekend Update, which is nowhere near as funny as Amy Poehler's.
This weekend was nice. Just, nice. Friday was dinner out with visiting relatives, which if you are a parent you realize generally goes like this:
1) Clear the table of anything Baby might grab that could injure her or result in a mess. This means clearing the table of EVERYTHING. Cutlery? Check. Water glass? Check. Beverage glass. Check. Napkin? Check.
2) Now that the table is empty, refill with Baby's toys, sippy cup, snack cup, saucer with food, baby spoon, wipes, bib, etc., until the damn table looks like your table at home, which means it is invisible under the BABY STUFF, OH GOD, THE BABY STUFF.
3) Spend the time while you are waiting for your food thinking how good Baby is being, and how nice it is too eat out.
4) Food arrives, and Baby suddenly loses patience and sanity, and MUST BE HELD NOW, not so she can enjoy being held, but so she can squirm like a worm on a hook, reach for all those things out of her reach and squeal at the top of her lungs when you don't give them to her. All of this you are doing with one hand, while trying to eat with the other hand
Actually, I have to admit, it wasn't really that bad. Both GeekDad and I got to visit with some of our family, and my cousin and his wife who were sitting across from us have a daughter only 7 months older than BabyA, so they were engaged in the same lovely ritual as us. It's just that I remember when going out for dinner was more relaxing and less exhausting, and I miss that, just a little. However, GeekDad and I have finagled Nana into babysitting for us for Valentine's Day, so we will be having our first dinner out unaccompanied by BabyA. I'm looking forward to it.
Saturday involved a little lounging and a little shopping, and then dinner with some out-of-town friends and some in-town friends, and was generally a really good time. We started a game of Cranium (which is awesome, btw), and didn't realize that it was almost midnight by the time we left. That is the latest we've been out since BabyA was born, and it was kind of nice.
Sunday was dinner at the in-laws, which started with some visiting, and then moved onto some Wii, and finished with a lovely roast, so generally, a really nice day. I tried to remember to take pictures, but forgot mostly, as usual. I did however, get the following pics of Grandma teaching BabyA how to use a ride on toy, which she loved.
So, generally a good weekend. In other news, I saw my doctor this morning about the weight loss thing. She recommended something like Jenny Craig, which says is successful for alot of her patients. JC is not an option for me - for one thing, its freakin' expensive, and for another, the food is bland as shit, as my mother-in-law and her hubby can attest. I asked about Weight Watchers, which I've tried before with some success, and she said that it takes more patience, because of the food weighing and cooking, etc., but can work quite well. I think that's what I'm gonna go with. I'd rather cook my own food anyway. She also let me know that she can prescribe an appetite suppresant, but not until I'm finished breastfeeding, so I can keep it in mind for the future. I also need to work on a regular excercise plan, but I feel better just having made this first move. My biggest goal is to be healthy, so I can be a better example for my daughter, and this is a definate step in the right direction. Consider yourself warned, hamster wheel!!
28 January 2009
Go be happy, people.
This weekend was quiet - we visited with some of GeekDad's stepfamily on Saturday, and did grocery shopping and movie watching on Sunday. I'm not sure why I specify stepfamily, because really, these people are just family. I totally lucked out on in-laws, I have to tell you. My mother-in-law is wonderful - kind and supportive and very careful of not overstepping her bounds. I find it kind of funny, because she never has overstepped her bounds, but she tells me about how she won't say something because she worries I'll be upset, and I can sense how much she loves both her son and I. And she is married to a generous and kind man, who comes with his own family, both immediate and extended, who have completely adopted us. It really is something to be grateful for.
Which leads me to my next topic - 365 days of Grace in Small Things. This project and network was started by fellow blogger Schmutzie, and it strikes me as a singularly fabulous idea. The purpose of GiST is to "Grace in Small Things exists because we are choosing not to allow the noisiness of life to rob us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things," by listing 5 things which make us happy every day. I have always found that remembering the good and happy things in my life helps me to stave off the occasional boughts of self-pity and a family tendency for depression. This just makes it a little more formal, and also, will give me something to regularly post about here.
So, here goes. Things I am happy for today:
1. My family, immediate, extended, and extended-extended. I love my family, and they make my life richer.
2. The colour of the sky on a bright winter day. I'm no fan of winter, but you just don't get that same clear blue in the winter. The sunshine is far preferable to the grey, overcast days, and I wish I could get my bedroom walls to be this colour.
3. My hair. Despite the changes pregnancy has wrought, I love my curly hair. It is easy to do, it recovers well from colouring, and it looks good both short and long.
4. Public radio. I don't like having the TV on constantly with BabyA here, and CBC Radio 1 keeps me entertained throughout the day.
5. Today, this video made me happy. It was posted by Schmutzie on the GiST website. The song is light and pretty, and the video is creative and interesting and happy-provoking.
Now, your turn. Go be happy.
Which leads me to my next topic - 365 days of Grace in Small Things. This project and network was started by fellow blogger Schmutzie, and it strikes me as a singularly fabulous idea. The purpose of GiST is to "Grace in Small Things exists because we are choosing not to allow the noisiness of life to rob us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things," by listing 5 things which make us happy every day. I have always found that remembering the good and happy things in my life helps me to stave off the occasional boughts of self-pity and a family tendency for depression. This just makes it a little more formal, and also, will give me something to regularly post about here.
So, here goes. Things I am happy for today:
1. My family, immediate, extended, and extended-extended. I love my family, and they make my life richer.
2. The colour of the sky on a bright winter day. I'm no fan of winter, but you just don't get that same clear blue in the winter. The sunshine is far preferable to the grey, overcast days, and I wish I could get my bedroom walls to be this colour.
3. My hair. Despite the changes pregnancy has wrought, I love my curly hair. It is easy to do, it recovers well from colouring, and it looks good both short and long.
4. Public radio. I don't like having the TV on constantly with BabyA here, and CBC Radio 1 keeps me entertained throughout the day.
5. Today, this video made me happy. It was posted by Schmutzie on the GiST website. The song is light and pretty, and the video is creative and interesting and happy-provoking.
Now, your turn. Go be happy.
22 January 2009
What's on my mind...
I've been struggling somewhat with blog posts, especially with topics. One of the things I enjoy most about the blogs I read is they have posts are well thought out, insightful, and especially, thought provoking. And I've been trying to emulate this, but I find it really difficult to carve out enough space in my day to sit down and write, think, edit, and rewrite to come up with these types of posts.
However, I've realized that while the blogs I love have these incredibly insightful posts, they also have posts which simply catalog the miscellany of the authors. And you know what? I also enjoy these posts! They are funny and interesting, and create a sense of camaraderie with their readers. I think if I start allowing myself to do these types of posts as well, I will feel less pressure, and it may help my creative process. Then, when I have longer stretches of free time, I can work on the more time consuming posts.
So, here goes with my miscellany post for today. BabyA is seven months old, and doing really well. She has reached an age where she really interacts with us, joining in the little games we play. One of the things I enjoy the most is her anticipation of things. When I count to three before tossing her in the air, she starts smiling at my "One..., Two...," before she even gets tossed. When we play All Around the Garden, she giggles before the tickling even starts. Half the time I don't even get to the end of the rhyme before I start laughing at her giggles. This, truly, is bliss. She has also begun moving from a sitting position to her belly, and doing this on purpose, as opposed to the uncontrolled flailing of earlier months. She is usually in pursuit of a toy, and I know this is just a precursor to crawling, which I'm both looking forward to and dreading.
In topics other than BabyA, I'm finding myself with a little more time on my hands, as BabyA can amuse herself for longer periods of time, and I feel like my brain is stretching after a long case of being figuratively snowed-in with the parenting minutia. I'm starting to feel a longing to focus on other things, and I'm not really sure where to settle that focus. I think I'm going to start looking for an appropriate journal to send my master's thesis to, to see if I can get it published somehow. It would go a long way towards building up my CV and my sense of focus. I'm also thinking I'd like to do some volunteer work for some of the organizations that do work around human trafficking (the topic of my thesis). I'm not sure what kind of things can be done from a distance, but I think I'm going to check into it.
Another project I'm going to begin is going through my grandmother's notes. Just after I had BabyA, my dad gave me a folder full of miscellaneous little notes and stories he'd collected from my grandmother. I'd like to get them typed out and bound into a little book of some kind, for BabyA and her cousins. My grandma is now 82, and getting more frail all the time, so I'd like to get this project done while I can still get some input from her. I'd also like for her to see it. I think I'm going to post a least parts of this project on my blog, so stay tuned!
Anyway, that's all for the day. BabyA is waking from her nap, so my 20 minutes of free time are now up. See you round!!
However, I've realized that while the blogs I love have these incredibly insightful posts, they also have posts which simply catalog the miscellany of the authors. And you know what? I also enjoy these posts! They are funny and interesting, and create a sense of camaraderie with their readers. I think if I start allowing myself to do these types of posts as well, I will feel less pressure, and it may help my creative process. Then, when I have longer stretches of free time, I can work on the more time consuming posts.
So, here goes with my miscellany post for today. BabyA is seven months old, and doing really well. She has reached an age where she really interacts with us, joining in the little games we play. One of the things I enjoy the most is her anticipation of things. When I count to three before tossing her in the air, she starts smiling at my "One..., Two...," before she even gets tossed. When we play All Around the Garden, she giggles before the tickling even starts. Half the time I don't even get to the end of the rhyme before I start laughing at her giggles. This, truly, is bliss. She has also begun moving from a sitting position to her belly, and doing this on purpose, as opposed to the uncontrolled flailing of earlier months. She is usually in pursuit of a toy, and I know this is just a precursor to crawling, which I'm both looking forward to and dreading.
In topics other than BabyA, I'm finding myself with a little more time on my hands, as BabyA can amuse herself for longer periods of time, and I feel like my brain is stretching after a long case of being figuratively snowed-in with the parenting minutia. I'm starting to feel a longing to focus on other things, and I'm not really sure where to settle that focus. I think I'm going to start looking for an appropriate journal to send my master's thesis to, to see if I can get it published somehow. It would go a long way towards building up my CV and my sense of focus. I'm also thinking I'd like to do some volunteer work for some of the organizations that do work around human trafficking (the topic of my thesis). I'm not sure what kind of things can be done from a distance, but I think I'm going to check into it.
Another project I'm going to begin is going through my grandmother's notes. Just after I had BabyA, my dad gave me a folder full of miscellaneous little notes and stories he'd collected from my grandmother. I'd like to get them typed out and bound into a little book of some kind, for BabyA and her cousins. My grandma is now 82, and getting more frail all the time, so I'd like to get this project done while I can still get some input from her. I'd also like for her to see it. I think I'm going to post a least parts of this project on my blog, so stay tuned!
Anyway, that's all for the day. BabyA is waking from her nap, so my 20 minutes of free time are now up. See you round!!
09 January 2009
January Miscellany
In lieu of an actual topical post today, I'm taking care of a miscellany of updates.
Update 1: Baby A is now just over six months old. She is sitting up on her own, eating solid foods, taking a pacifier (finally), and a general joy. She is not, however, showing any inkling of crawling. Which really, is just as well, as I live in terror of MobileBaby. She goes down in her crib, but when she wakes in the very early AM, I bring her to bed to nurse, and she usually stays there. Now that she is big enough to not worry about squishing, I find that I love, love, love cosleeping. She curls into my side or my back, sighs, and sleeps like, well, a baby. Contentedness - u r doin it rite. 
Drool? What drool?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO know how cute I am.
Update 2: We have finished the reno of our family room. New flooring, paint, windows, etc. I really love it, in part because it seems to make keeping the whole house clean a little easier. I don't know why this is. You'd think that it would just be another room to keep clean, but it seems that we now tend to eat at the table, not in front of the living room TV, and then go downstairs after dinner. This means that the dishes from dinner have much better odds of ending up in the dishwasher, as opposed to being abandoned on the living room coffee table. The room also become bit of a gaming room, with the purchase of a new flat panel tv and a Wii by various household members. I have decided that I love the Wii, but not quite as much as I love Rock Band. Nothing makes for a good time like sitting around with your friends making collective asses of yourselves. It is also my office, because our computer has moved up from the exile of the basement. Computing in the light is a very good thing.
Update 1: Baby A is now just over six months old. She is sitting up on her own, eating solid foods, taking a pacifier (finally), and a general joy. She is not, however, showing any inkling of crawling. Which really, is just as well, as I live in terror of MobileBaby. She goes down in her crib, but when she wakes in the very early AM, I bring her to bed to nurse, and she usually stays there. Now that she is big enough to not worry about squishing, I find that I love, love, love cosleeping. She curls into my side or my back, sighs, and sleeps like, well, a baby. Contentedness - u r doin it rite.
Drool? What drool?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO know how cute I am.Update 2: We have finished the reno of our family room. New flooring, paint, windows, etc. I really love it, in part because it seems to make keeping the whole house clean a little easier. I don't know why this is. You'd think that it would just be another room to keep clean, but it seems that we now tend to eat at the table, not in front of the living room TV, and then go downstairs after dinner. This means that the dishes from dinner have much better odds of ending up in the dishwasher, as opposed to being abandoned on the living room coffee table. The room also become bit of a gaming room, with the purchase of a new flat panel tv and a Wii by various household members. I have decided that I love the Wii, but not quite as much as I love Rock Band. Nothing makes for a good time like sitting around with your friends making collective asses of yourselves. It is also my office, because our computer has moved up from the exile of the basement. Computing in the light is a very good thing.
Update 3: I'm missing regular TV. The reruns have gone seriously stale, and somehow the premier of Mommas' Boys just isn't doing it for me. I want to see Chuck, and Heroes, and CSI again. Also, I caught the Season 3 premier of Big Love the other night on Showcase. I had forg,otten how much I love that show. Now if only I could figure out how to get caught up on Entourage and Battlestar Galactica and maybe Lost, I would be in blissful TV heaven.
Update 4: I'm sick to death of snow and weather below -25 Celsius. December and now January have been cold and snowy almost non-stop, and I am seriously ready for some winter weather that doesn't make me want to hibernate. A nice -10 or so would let me bundle BabyA up for a nice walk in her little sled. Come on, Mother Nature, please??
Ok, that's all I have to say for today. Peace and love, everybody.
07 January 2009
tiny democracy Pop Quiz, 2008 Edition.
So, I was reading All and Sundry's blog, a personal favorite. And she invited her readers to answer her Pop Quiz for themselves. I think that ideally this would have been done BEFORE New Years, but I think its a great way to sum up the year that was. So I'm posting late. Ya gotta problem with that??
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I had a baby. It was weird. And fantastic. Still is, come to think of it.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t make any resolutions last year, and never really have. But I’ve made some for this year already, because I think I need to have more concrete goals.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Just me. I guess I’m close to me, most of the time.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
GeekDad’s aunt passed away shortly after BabyA was born, due to chronic organ rejection on a double lung transplant she had about 6 years ago. We miss her dearly.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Just puttered around Alberta. Being pregnant and then a new mom was not so conducive to long distance mobility.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A permanent work situation.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 21, the day my daughter was born. Nov. 4, when Barack Obama was elected.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a child, teaching my first class.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Overcoming my procrastinating tendencies. Hello, my name is Dawn, and I’m a chronic procrastinator.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, other than a slightly rough recovery from my C-section.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our Quinny stroller for our daughter. The infant car seat fits onto a stroller frame, and the whole thing fits in the trunk of our Mazda 3.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The American voters, collectively. You got all excited about democracy, and hope, all that shit. You turned out to vote in droves, which is meritorious in itself, and then you went and elected Obama. Seriously, dudes, kudos to you!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sarah Palin, mostly because she didn’t seem to have any clue how clueless she was.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Various and assorted pregnancy and then baby gear.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The obvious is BabyA, but the less obvious? My friend Jen finally running in the federal election. It’s something we’ve been working on for a long, long time.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Forever, by Chris Brown. I’m not a fan of Chris Brown generally speaking, but this song from So You Think You Can Dance – Season 4, which was my guilty pleasure while I learned how to breastfeed BabyA. That show was what got me through July and August, while I recovered from labour and learned to be a mom. I can’t hear it without feeling a rush of emotion.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. My baby is here, and alive, and healthy. I have a fantastic life partner, and great family and friends.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner, surprisingly enough. I’m hoping to keep that trend going.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, as I’m on maternity leave.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I always wish I’d travelled more, although travel was rather complicated for a good part of this year. Maybe keeping in touch with friends who live away.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about whether BabyA was doing alright. I know it’s just part of the post-partum hormonal soup, but I spent the first two months obsessing to an unhealthy degree about whether she was eating, sleeping, pooping, too much, not enough, whatever. If it was possible to worry about it I did. I even worried about whether I was worrying too much. Seriously.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family at my sister’s house. It was noisy and happy and tiring and exactly what Christmas should be.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With my daughter. It sounds cheesy, but I am absolutely, ridiculously infatuated with her. Also, I fell for my partner all over again, watching him becoming a father.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably Chuck. I heart Chuck. And Zachary Levi. Nom nom.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t really hate people. I feel bad for people who make themselves unlikable, but find hating is mostly a waste of time and energy on people who really aren’t worth it.
24. What was the best book you read?
I loved the Twilight series. It’s cheesy, melodramatic, angsty teen fiction, and I craved it like the literary crack it is.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Making musical discoveries is one of the things that fell by the wayside in what turned out to be a very busy year. I loved a lot of the soundtrack to SYTYCD, as was already mentioned.
26. What did you want and get?
Cute maternity clothes. A cool camera.
27. What did you want and not get?
An iphone. I am already campaigning for this year.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day. I didn’t have much for expectations as I only came across the preview on another DVD we rented, but it turned out to be a wonderful little gem of a film. Watch it.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I marked papers. All day, and half the night. I was teaching my first political science course, and it was a condensed spring session, so that kind of ate up all of May. And how old? 33. No comments from the peanut gallery.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can’t really think of a lot. This year was pretty great, personally and professionally. And I try not to feel dissatisfied, but remind myself of how truly lucky I am.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Body fluctuations. Not so much weight gain as a major change in body shape with the pregnancy, a major weight loss after. These have left me searching for anything at all in my closet that fits.
32. What kept you sane?
My husband. His patience through my pregnancy and post-partum crazies deserves a Nobel prize.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can I name a literary character? Edward, from the Twilight series. Not Robert Pattison (the actor who plays Edward), but Edward from the book, who lives in my head. Oh, swoon. Really.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The sneaky crawl towards privatizing health care in Alberta. When I realize that having BabyA would have cost us thirty to fourty thousand dollars in the US, I realized how important our publicly funded health care system is.
35. Who did you miss?
My friends, April, Andrea, and Hader, who don’t live near me. And my brother, who also lives too far away.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I’m going to say my students (!), the first class I’ve taught. They were interesting, and funny, and smart, and I’m sure I learned as much from them as they did from me.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Children do not come with an instruction booklet. Trying to treat the myriad of advice books about children like instruction manuals can lead to extreme craziness and obsessive behaviour. Parenting requires a bit of intuition, and a lot of learning from mistakes.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Say, its only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Yes, it's only a canvas sky
Hanging over a muslin tree
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Without your love
It's a honky-tonk parade
Without your love
It's a melody played in a penny arcade
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
And with that, we begin a new year, people. Use it wisely!!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I had a baby. It was weird. And fantastic. Still is, come to think of it.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t make any resolutions last year, and never really have. But I’ve made some for this year already, because I think I need to have more concrete goals.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Just me. I guess I’m close to me, most of the time.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
GeekDad’s aunt passed away shortly after BabyA was born, due to chronic organ rejection on a double lung transplant she had about 6 years ago. We miss her dearly.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Just puttered around Alberta. Being pregnant and then a new mom was not so conducive to long distance mobility.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A permanent work situation.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 21, the day my daughter was born. Nov. 4, when Barack Obama was elected.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having a child, teaching my first class.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Overcoming my procrastinating tendencies. Hello, my name is Dawn, and I’m a chronic procrastinator.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, other than a slightly rough recovery from my C-section.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our Quinny stroller for our daughter. The infant car seat fits onto a stroller frame, and the whole thing fits in the trunk of our Mazda 3.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The American voters, collectively. You got all excited about democracy, and hope, all that shit. You turned out to vote in droves, which is meritorious in itself, and then you went and elected Obama. Seriously, dudes, kudos to you!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sarah Palin, mostly because she didn’t seem to have any clue how clueless she was.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Various and assorted pregnancy and then baby gear.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The obvious is BabyA, but the less obvious? My friend Jen finally running in the federal election. It’s something we’ve been working on for a long, long time.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Forever, by Chris Brown. I’m not a fan of Chris Brown generally speaking, but this song from So You Think You Can Dance – Season 4, which was my guilty pleasure while I learned how to breastfeed BabyA. That show was what got me through July and August, while I recovered from labour and learned to be a mom. I can’t hear it without feeling a rush of emotion.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. My baby is here, and alive, and healthy. I have a fantastic life partner, and great family and friends.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner, surprisingly enough. I’m hoping to keep that trend going.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, as I’m on maternity leave.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I always wish I’d travelled more, although travel was rather complicated for a good part of this year. Maybe keeping in touch with friends who live away.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about whether BabyA was doing alright. I know it’s just part of the post-partum hormonal soup, but I spent the first two months obsessing to an unhealthy degree about whether she was eating, sleeping, pooping, too much, not enough, whatever. If it was possible to worry about it I did. I even worried about whether I was worrying too much. Seriously.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family at my sister’s house. It was noisy and happy and tiring and exactly what Christmas should be.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With my daughter. It sounds cheesy, but I am absolutely, ridiculously infatuated with her. Also, I fell for my partner all over again, watching him becoming a father.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably Chuck. I heart Chuck. And Zachary Levi. Nom nom.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t really hate people. I feel bad for people who make themselves unlikable, but find hating is mostly a waste of time and energy on people who really aren’t worth it.
24. What was the best book you read?
I loved the Twilight series. It’s cheesy, melodramatic, angsty teen fiction, and I craved it like the literary crack it is.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Making musical discoveries is one of the things that fell by the wayside in what turned out to be a very busy year. I loved a lot of the soundtrack to SYTYCD, as was already mentioned.
26. What did you want and get?
Cute maternity clothes. A cool camera.
27. What did you want and not get?
An iphone. I am already campaigning for this year.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day. I didn’t have much for expectations as I only came across the preview on another DVD we rented, but it turned out to be a wonderful little gem of a film. Watch it.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I marked papers. All day, and half the night. I was teaching my first political science course, and it was a condensed spring session, so that kind of ate up all of May. And how old? 33. No comments from the peanut gallery.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can’t really think of a lot. This year was pretty great, personally and professionally. And I try not to feel dissatisfied, but remind myself of how truly lucky I am.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Body fluctuations. Not so much weight gain as a major change in body shape with the pregnancy, a major weight loss after. These have left me searching for anything at all in my closet that fits.
32. What kept you sane?
My husband. His patience through my pregnancy and post-partum crazies deserves a Nobel prize.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can I name a literary character? Edward, from the Twilight series. Not Robert Pattison (the actor who plays Edward), but Edward from the book, who lives in my head. Oh, swoon. Really.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The sneaky crawl towards privatizing health care in Alberta. When I realize that having BabyA would have cost us thirty to fourty thousand dollars in the US, I realized how important our publicly funded health care system is.
35. Who did you miss?
My friends, April, Andrea, and Hader, who don’t live near me. And my brother, who also lives too far away.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I’m going to say my students (!), the first class I’ve taught. They were interesting, and funny, and smart, and I’m sure I learned as much from them as they did from me.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Children do not come with an instruction booklet. Trying to treat the myriad of advice books about children like instruction manuals can lead to extreme craziness and obsessive behaviour. Parenting requires a bit of intuition, and a lot of learning from mistakes.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Say, its only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Yes, it's only a canvas sky
Hanging over a muslin tree
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
Without your love
It's a honky-tonk parade
Without your love
It's a melody played in a penny arcade
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
And with that, we begin a new year, people. Use it wisely!!
29 December 2008
Happiness is meant to be shared. So is tiredness, and crankiness.
So, our Christmas was, well, Christmas-y. In that there were wonderful moments (watching my nephew's face as he opened THE gift he wanted on Chrismas morning),
...cranky moments - not caring that the gravy didn't taste right, whatever, I'm done),
...tired moments (dozing off in the middle of an epic Wii boxing battle at the in-laws), and alot of generally warm fuzzy feelings.
Underpinning all of this was the realization that Christmas is just different when you're a parent. I've always been one to enjoy getting just the right gifts for people, but with a child, I think its more the search for the magic gift, not necessarily the most expensive one, but the one that will light up your child's face.
BabyA is still pretty young for that, but we did manage to get a great activity centre, with spinners and tumblers and balls on wires that all three of my sister's children, aged 2, 5, and 7, played with. I am thrilled with the potential longevity of this toy.
Now that the holidays are over, I'm faced with the task of deciding what I would like to see in the New Year, for me and my little family. My biggest task, I think, will be attempting to find some stability and balance in my professional life. I don't have a permanent job, and while I would love to teach again, that depends on whether the folks over at the local college need me. Ideally, I'd love to teach a single course for at least a year or so, so that I can still spend the majority of my time with BabyA. This will also mean arranging childcare for the first time, so any suggestion you might have would be appreciated. As for our family, I think purchasing our own home is pretty high on the list. It may not happen this year, but my working would put us a lot closer.
As for personal goals, I want to keep working at this writing thing. Generally, conversation with friends, and especially my mother, has been a vehicle for articulating ideas that are important to me. Writing this blog is somewhat of a challenge, because it lacks the whetstone of another person to sharpend my thoughts. It is a different process, but I think it is an important one, and one, and I'm going to keep working on it.
I'm also working on getting in better shape physically. I know that the making and breaking of resolutions around weight loss has got to be THE major cliche in New Year's resolutions, My pregnancy with BabyA gave me the astonishing gift of a major weight loss, and I really want to use the impetus to keep this up. I've already gained some of it back, because I'm breastfeeding - OK, sidebar. You know how they say breastfeeding helps you lose weight? Well, it can, and did for me, especially at first when I had zero appetite because of the c-section. However, it turns out that breastfeeding can also cause a bit increase in appetite later on, because your body requires nutrition to create milk. Apparently when you stop breastfeeding, you can lose a fair bit of weight again, as your body readjustes. Here's hoping! Other that that, I've been trying to go the the gym regularly. GeekDad's mom usually doesn't work in the afternoons, and she's really generous with babysitting so that I can work out. She has also offered us the elliptical machine she is getting rid of, so I'm trying to find space in our family room, so that I can work out without leaving the house. I'm also thinking that taking BabyA for walks in her little sled would be a really great idea. I promise to keep you updated on my progress.
So, my list: 1 - work on the work situation, 2 - work on my writing, 3 - work on getting in shape. Should these be more concrete goals? Maybe. OK, fine tuning.
Work. OK, I'm keeping that one vague, because I'm not sure what working is going to look like post-baby.
Writing - I resolve to still be writing this blog at the end of 2009.
Weight - I'd like to lose 20 lbs by the end of 2009. I need to lose more than that, but I'm really more concerned about being in shape, and consistent slow weight loss over time is more likely to be permanent, which is what's really important to me. I want to be able to play with BabyA at the playground, not just follow her around, being all out of breath and sweaty.
Oh, a final resolution - I want to be better at keeping in touch with people. I have a tendancy to let friendships fall by the wayside as things get busy, especially with friends who don't live close enough to see them on a regular basis. This is not a good thing, and I want to change it. So I'm going now, to make some phone calls, get some addresses so I can send out family photos, and reconnect.
I hope your holidays were as happy as mine, and here's hoping that the New Year will bring happiness and satisfaction with our collective lots in life. Mmmwwaaaaahhhh!
23 December 2008
The holiday schmaltz commences...
Today is Christmas Eve - let the craziness begin. First there's the shop-a-thon for last minute groceries, although gifts are done, thank god for that. Then the commences four days of non-stop family, visiting and eating. Seriously. Here is a look at my schedule.
Christmas Eve: lunch at GeekDad's grandparents with his family, then out to my sister's acreage for sledding and hot chocolate.
Christmas Day: breakfast and dinner at my sister's with our family
Boxing Day: at in-laws with in-laws and step in-laws and step-step-in-laws.
Day after Boxing Day: lunch at sister's with extended family on dad's side, and then to dad's house for supper.
Sunday: the day the world must stop, or else I will die of exhaustion. Seriously.
I have to say, though, that I have so much to be grateful for that serious complaining would be tempting the gods to smite me. We will be spending time with many family and friends, all of whom love us dearly, and all of whom I like. We all have jobs and homes to live in, which is a great deal more than many can say at this time. And we have lots of love, so it will truly be a Merry Christmas, despite the craziness.
And to those who are taking the time to read my blog, I hope you have these things too. And if not the jobs and homes, then at least the love, because it is truly the one thing we can't live without. In that spirit, please to enjoy the following video. Because it makes me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too.
Merry Christmas, peoples!
Christmas Eve: lunch at GeekDad's grandparents with his family, then out to my sister's acreage for sledding and hot chocolate.
Christmas Day: breakfast and dinner at my sister's with our family
Boxing Day: at in-laws with in-laws and step in-laws and step-step-in-laws.
Day after Boxing Day: lunch at sister's with extended family on dad's side, and then to dad's house for supper.
Sunday: the day the world must stop, or else I will die of exhaustion. Seriously.
I have to say, though, that I have so much to be grateful for that serious complaining would be tempting the gods to smite me. We will be spending time with many family and friends, all of whom love us dearly, and all of whom I like. We all have jobs and homes to live in, which is a great deal more than many can say at this time. And we have lots of love, so it will truly be a Merry Christmas, despite the craziness.
And to those who are taking the time to read my blog, I hope you have these things too. And if not the jobs and homes, then at least the love, because it is truly the one thing we can't live without. In that spirit, please to enjoy the following video. Because it makes me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too.
Merry Christmas, peoples!
05 December 2008
To Santa, or not to Santa?
BabyA is only a few months old this Christmas, so the whole Santa thing isn't too big of a worry. But I know it will be, and GeekDad and I have to figure this out. Here's the background:
I grew up in a religious family. My father was a minister with the an evangelical association, and my church associations as a teen were of the slightly radical variety. I fondly refer to it as the Church of Big Hair. As a child, we did NOT celebrate Santa. Santa was a nice symbol of Christmas, and was never portrayed as bad, he was just a secondary distraction to what Christmas was really about - the birth of Christ. We still did stockings and such, but gifts were always from Mom and Dad, never Santa. I'm not saying that Christmas wasn't magical for us, because it totally was, and still is, my favorite time of year. But Santa just wasn't a part of that.
GeekDad grew up in a household that didn't regularly attend any church, and Santa embodied all that Christmas was about - giving and receiving gifts, celebrating family, etc. Most of the presents came from Mom and various other family members, but the big gift always came from Santa. He used to listen to the radio as it tracked Santa's progress on Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning eagerly awaited, because SANTA HAD VISITED.
Now that we're a family, I'm reaching to figure out how to incorporate both of our traditions. While my faith has significantly changed in both form and function since my youth, its still an essential part of who I am, and something I very much want to pass on to my daughter. And I know GeekDad also wants to pass on the magic that Santa meant to him in his childhood. But how to do this??
One of my biggest reservations regarding the whole Santa thing is the business of finding out that Santa isn't real. While I obviously didn't experience this moment, I've heard enough stories from various friends to know that it can be really traumatic. It feels to me like I would be lying to my daughter, and I really have some reservations about this. Because as an adult I totally get the Santa-as-a-symbol thing, but there is just no explaining that to a kid who just found out that Santa isn't an actual living, breathing person.
In addition, my sister's children haven't been taught the whole Santa thing, and I know if we tell the Santa stories to BabyA, its going to make family Christmases that much more complicated. So.
I'm turning to you, interwebz. How do you deal with combining secular and religious traditions? Do you celebrate more than one faith? Any advice for a fledgling mom on Christmas, Baby Jesus, Santa, etc.?
I grew up in a religious family. My father was a minister with the an evangelical association, and my church associations as a teen were of the slightly radical variety. I fondly refer to it as the Church of Big Hair. As a child, we did NOT celebrate Santa. Santa was a nice symbol of Christmas, and was never portrayed as bad, he was just a secondary distraction to what Christmas was really about - the birth of Christ. We still did stockings and such, but gifts were always from Mom and Dad, never Santa. I'm not saying that Christmas wasn't magical for us, because it totally was, and still is, my favorite time of year. But Santa just wasn't a part of that.
GeekDad grew up in a household that didn't regularly attend any church, and Santa embodied all that Christmas was about - giving and receiving gifts, celebrating family, etc. Most of the presents came from Mom and various other family members, but the big gift always came from Santa. He used to listen to the radio as it tracked Santa's progress on Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning eagerly awaited, because SANTA HAD VISITED.
Now that we're a family, I'm reaching to figure out how to incorporate both of our traditions. While my faith has significantly changed in both form and function since my youth, its still an essential part of who I am, and something I very much want to pass on to my daughter. And I know GeekDad also wants to pass on the magic that Santa meant to him in his childhood. But how to do this??
One of my biggest reservations regarding the whole Santa thing is the business of finding out that Santa isn't real. While I obviously didn't experience this moment, I've heard enough stories from various friends to know that it can be really traumatic. It feels to me like I would be lying to my daughter, and I really have some reservations about this. Because as an adult I totally get the Santa-as-a-symbol thing, but there is just no explaining that to a kid who just found out that Santa isn't an actual living, breathing person.
In addition, my sister's children haven't been taught the whole Santa thing, and I know if we tell the Santa stories to BabyA, its going to make family Christmases that much more complicated. So.
I'm turning to you, interwebz. How do you deal with combining secular and religious traditions? Do you celebrate more than one faith? Any advice for a fledgling mom on Christmas, Baby Jesus, Santa, etc.?
30 November 2008
I Need to Remember This, my A-.
I need to remember this. This is always how I have affixed memories in my mind, by freezing time for a split second, stepping outside of myself, and consciously fixing a time, a place, a feeling, in my head. I have memories of a cafe in Paris, a trattoria in Rome, the first time my husband kissed, the first time we made love. The feel of the air, the smell of the walls or the wind, the ambient light; I can recall these circumstances and settings, and take myself back, not only to the time, but the feel of these memories.
And now, I need to remember my daughter, A-. The size she is now, as she sleeps on my chest, her head tucked into my neck. Her arms are draped down either side of my breasts, and her head is cocked back at that angle that can only be comfortable to a baby, whose bones still remember the weightlessness of the womb. I cannot see her face, only her ear, visible when I tuck my chin to my chest. Her weight, at once solid and slight, weighty and fragile. It is the knowledge that she changes from one moment to the next, as her chest rises and falls with each breath, that makes her seem so ephemeral. Her cheek, chin, hand, are so soft, as I run my fingers over them. I remember the feel of her mouth on my breast, the substance and sustanence I offer her each time she feeds. I bend my cheek to hers, kiss her face, breathe her sweet, familiar smell. The warm glow of the dim lights in our home and the cooler lights from the television combine in a familiar glow, particular to this room. My husband's arm and leg are pressed against mine, and my free hand and his reach for each other but do not clasp. They pass over each other lightly, tracing lines and calluses, bone and flesh, in that manner bred by intimacy. It is just we three here and now.
I am so afraid that I will forget this moment. It happens, I know, because our two grown cats, our first children, laze about this room with us, and I was their when they were born, and have watched them grow. My mind knows that they were once tiny balls of fuzzy hair and clouded eyes, and yet my heart cannot remember that they fit in the palm of my hand. I reach for that memory, knowing that it existed, and yet it eludes me.
I cannot let that happen with A-. And so I sit, after the moment has passed, and commit this memory to writing. To the solid black and white of words. I hope that this writing is more trustworthy than my slippery mind and heart, which can only see the present beauty. I need to remember this.
And now, I need to remember my daughter, A-. The size she is now, as she sleeps on my chest, her head tucked into my neck. Her arms are draped down either side of my breasts, and her head is cocked back at that angle that can only be comfortable to a baby, whose bones still remember the weightlessness of the womb. I cannot see her face, only her ear, visible when I tuck my chin to my chest. Her weight, at once solid and slight, weighty and fragile. It is the knowledge that she changes from one moment to the next, as her chest rises and falls with each breath, that makes her seem so ephemeral. Her cheek, chin, hand, are so soft, as I run my fingers over them. I remember the feel of her mouth on my breast, the substance and sustanence I offer her each time she feeds. I bend my cheek to hers, kiss her face, breathe her sweet, familiar smell. The warm glow of the dim lights in our home and the cooler lights from the television combine in a familiar glow, particular to this room. My husband's arm and leg are pressed against mine, and my free hand and his reach for each other but do not clasp. They pass over each other lightly, tracing lines and calluses, bone and flesh, in that manner bred by intimacy. It is just we three here and now.
I am so afraid that I will forget this moment. It happens, I know, because our two grown cats, our first children, laze about this room with us, and I was their when they were born, and have watched them grow. My mind knows that they were once tiny balls of fuzzy hair and clouded eyes, and yet my heart cannot remember that they fit in the palm of my hand. I reach for that memory, knowing that it existed, and yet it eludes me.
I cannot let that happen with A-. And so I sit, after the moment has passed, and commit this memory to writing. To the solid black and white of words. I hope that this writing is more trustworthy than my slippery mind and heart, which can only see the present beauty. I need to remember this.
24 November 2008
Doing it Right, This Parenting Thing.
So, I have started BabyA on solid foods, if you can call runny brown rice cereal and apple sauce solid. This despite very firm warnings from our local public health unit that BABIES SHOULD NOT BE STARTED ON SOLID FOOD UNTIL THEY ARE SIX MONTHS OLD. Which I am ignoring.
So while these seemed to indicate that I had made the right decision about taking this next step in the child rearing process, part of me was still uneasy. Because I was BREAKING THE RULES. Feeding my child, only five months old, solid foods. This is because while I understand on a intellectual level that every child follows their own development schedule, on a gut level, I am a rule-follower. When I first had BabyA, my post-partum craziness manifested in a low-grade obsession with whether I was doing things right. I kept lists indicating the times I fed her, for how long, how many poops she was having and whether they were small, medium or large, etc. I'm not kidding. I can show you the lists, as they are in a small notebook, which, thankfully, has been put to other, less-OCD tasks now that my PPD crazies have subsided. I am the type of person who reads the instructions BEFORE assembling Ikea furniture, before programming the new electronic device, and before using the new tools. But I realized somewhere around the time BabyA was two months old that what the baby advice books, columns, websites, etc., gave were ONLY suggestions and timelines, and that as much as it went against my nature, this parenting thing was going to require winging it, at least to a certain degree.
So I started feeding BabyA,and then I read through the brochure given to me by the public health nurse about starting babies on solid foods. Backwards, I know, but like I said, I'm working hard at winging it. And the brochure says that I'll know BabyA is ready to start eating solids when she can sit up without too much assistance, shows interest in me eating, anticipates her food, and can swallow the food and not spit it all up. Check, check, check, check. This is all in the same brochure that says no way, no how should babies be eating solid foods before six months. So much for consistency. So it turns out, I'm actually doing ok with the winging it thing. Wow.
Now if only I could be as sanguine about theutterly nasty less-than-fabulous solid-food-poop.
I actually started letting her taste some of my foods a couple weeks ago, because she seemed so curious about what GeekDad and I were eating. She'd watch us intently, reach out for our food and/or utensils and/or mouths, etc., etc. So I started with the rice cereal, and Baby A loves it. She not only opens her mouth for the spoon, but she almost lunges for it in her enthusiasm. And while I'm sure at least a third of the food ends up on her hands (which she insists on shoving in her mouth simultaneously to the spoon) and face and bib and clothes and chair, she is definitely getting a good portion of the stuff into her belly.
So while these seemed to indicate that I had made the right decision about taking this next step in the child rearing process, part of me was still uneasy. Because I was BREAKING THE RULES. Feeding my child, only five months old, solid foods. This is because while I understand on a intellectual level that every child follows their own development schedule, on a gut level, I am a rule-follower. When I first had BabyA, my post-partum craziness manifested in a low-grade obsession with whether I was doing things right. I kept lists indicating the times I fed her, for how long, how many poops she was having and whether they were small, medium or large, etc. I'm not kidding. I can show you the lists, as they are in a small notebook, which, thankfully, has been put to other, less-OCD tasks now that my PPD crazies have subsided. I am the type of person who reads the instructions BEFORE assembling Ikea furniture, before programming the new electronic device, and before using the new tools. But I realized somewhere around the time BabyA was two months old that what the baby advice books, columns, websites, etc., gave were ONLY suggestions and timelines, and that as much as it went against my nature, this parenting thing was going to require winging it, at least to a certain degree.
So I started feeding BabyA,and then I read through the brochure given to me by the public health nurse about starting babies on solid foods. Backwards, I know, but like I said, I'm working hard at winging it. And the brochure says that I'll know BabyA is ready to start eating solids when she can sit up without too much assistance, shows interest in me eating, anticipates her food, and can swallow the food and not spit it all up. Check, check, check, check. This is all in the same brochure that says no way, no how should babies be eating solid foods before six months. So much for consistency. So it turns out, I'm actually doing ok with the winging it thing. Wow.
Now if only I could be as sanguine about the
14 November 2008
Surfin' the Chores, or, Terminally Distracted
So my friend J and I are talking at lunch the other day, and she tells me how she spent an entire Saturday working her butt off, and yet failed to finish the task she started out with in the morning. In her case, the ambition to pickle beets led to doing a quick sink of dishes, which led to a quick swipe of the stove, and to an all out oven scrub, and then cleaning the basement... you know how it goes. Or at least I do.
I start with unloading the dishwasher, and then head upstairs to collect dishes and get distracted by the dirty laundry, and then the recycling which I need to sort catches my eye, and then GeekDad is home, and I have yet to unload the dishwasher. It's like surfing the internet, where you start out with a particular topic or page or what have you, and suddenly hours have passed and you are watching Rick Astley videos and cracking up over grammatically challenged cats.
I never used to be this easily distracted, but since the birth of BabyA, I feel as though my sense of focus is on indefinate leave. I desperately hope think, or hope, that this is just a function of motherhood, and the fact that since having BabyA, I don't think I've spent more than 15 or 20 minutes doing any single task except feeding. Even playing with BabyA involves frequent changes of activity - 15 minutes of lap excercises, 10 minutes of reading a book, 15 minutes of tummy time, 5 minutes on the change table, etc., etc. On the rare occasion I am doing something for a slightly longer period of time, it's usualy with divided attention, as in holding BabyA and eating lunch, or playing with her while I try to catch a few minutes of the morning news.
I miss having focus. I miss being able to start a task and finish that same task without being dragged off to something else. I know that its part and parcel of being a parent, and I wouldn't change my life for anything, but damn it, this distracted brain of mine is going to be the death of me, I swear.
I start with unloading the dishwasher, and then head upstairs to collect dishes and get distracted by the dirty laundry, and then the recycling which I need to sort catches my eye, and then GeekDad is home, and I have yet to unload the dishwasher. It's like surfing the internet, where you start out with a particular topic or page or what have you, and suddenly hours have passed and you are watching Rick Astley videos and cracking up over grammatically challenged cats.
I never used to be this easily distracted, but since the birth of BabyA, I feel as though my sense of focus is on indefinate leave. I desperately hope think, or hope, that this is just a function of motherhood, and the fact that since having BabyA, I don't think I've spent more than 15 or 20 minutes doing any single task except feeding. Even playing with BabyA involves frequent changes of activity - 15 minutes of lap excercises, 10 minutes of reading a book, 15 minutes of tummy time, 5 minutes on the change table, etc., etc. On the rare occasion I am doing something for a slightly longer period of time, it's usualy with divided attention, as in holding BabyA and eating lunch, or playing with her while I try to catch a few minutes of the morning news.
I miss having focus. I miss being able to start a task and finish that same task without being dragged off to something else. I know that its part and parcel of being a parent, and I wouldn't change my life for anything, but damn it, this distracted brain of mine is going to be the death of me, I swear.
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